Category: Ethnic Stories
NUNS

An old Jewish lady was sitting in a restaurant sipping tea. At the next table there were 3 nuns discussing where to go for a vacation. The 2nd nun said to Mother Superior:

"Let's go to Jerusalem."

Mother Superior said:

"No, too many Jews there."

The 3rd nun said to Mother Superior:

"Let's go to New York ."

Mother Superior said:

"No, too many Jews there."

The 2nd nun spoke again and said:

"Let's go to Los Angeles."

Mother Superior said:

"No, too many Jews there."

 The little Jewish old lady leaned over and said with a Yiddish Accent:

"Vell, vhy don't you go to hell, dere are no Jews there!!!"

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Category: Ethnic Stories

MOZES NEGOTIATES THE COMMANDMENTS

The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. You could hear only a subdued murmur among them, but you could feel the tension in the air. For hours now, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. In spite of the warm weather, this caused a shudder among the waiting mass. The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in when suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses.

Moses set down his load and raised his hands:

"Friends," - he said. "Friends, it was hard work and I have done my best. I have negotiated with Him. I used every possible argument, every trick I could think of and I think I was successful. The good news is: I brought him down from 15 to 10. The bad news is: Adultery is still in."

 

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Category: Ethnic Stories
REDNECK

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

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Category: Ethnic Stories
NOT DEAF 

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink was driving home from the city one night and,
of course, his car weaved violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.

"So," - said the cop to the driver, - where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," - slurred the drunk.

"Well," said the cop, - "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," - the drunk said with a smile.

"Did you know," - said the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, - "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," - sighed the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

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Category: Ethnic Stories
POLISH

A man walked into a store and asked the clerk:

"In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk looked at him and said:

"Are you Polish?"

The guy (clearly offended) said:

"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would you?  Would you?"

The clerk said:

"Well, no!"
     "If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
     "Well, I probably wouldn't!"
     With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy said:

"Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"

  The clerk replied:

  "Because you're at Home Depot."

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Category: Ethnic Stories
AS SAFE AS ANYWHERE

Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another passenger took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck -- he was pale, his hands were shaking, he was biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey pal, what's the matter?" - Chuck asked.

"Oh man ... I've been transferred to Michigan," - the other guy answered. "There are crazy people in Michigan and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate ..."

"Hold on," - Chuck interrupted, - "I've lived in Michigan all my life and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school -- and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said:

"Oh thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" - said Chuck. "Oh, nothing special. I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Dearborn."

 

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Category: Ethnic Stories
THE DEFINITION OF CHUTZPAH

A little old Jewish lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents
each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch
time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter,
but never take a pretzel.

This went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One
day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter
as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to
tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents."

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