Saturday, October 31, 2009

Category: Doctors and Patients MUTUAL TRUST

The pretty young Miss was having a tooth pulled and the dentist gave her the usual “This won't hurt a bit” routine before bending over her with a drill in his hand. He immediately drew back in complete alarm.

“Miss,” – he said in a barely audible whisper, – “you have got hold of my testicles!”

“Yes doc, I know,” – she smiled sweetly – “and we aren't going to hurt each other, are we?”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Friday, October 30, 2009

Category: Doctors and Patients REAL PROFESSIONALS

One night a man and a woman were both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They started talking and came to realize that they were both doctors. After about an hour, the man said to0the woman:

“Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached. It’ll just be one night of fun.”

The woman doctor agreed. They went back to her place and she took the man to the bedroom. She went to the bathroom and started scrubbing up like she was about to go into the operating room. She scrubbed for a good ten minutes. Finally she returned to the bedroom and they had sex for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man said to the woman:

“You’re a surgeon, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

The man said:

“I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” - said the woman. “You’re an anesthesiologist aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” - said the man, a bit surprised. “How did you know?”

“The woman answered:

“Because I didn’t feel a thing.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Category: Doctors and Patients LAST WORDS

An elderly man became very ill and a priest was called out to administer the last sacrament. All the family assembled around the bed, but before the priest could utter a word, the sick man suddenly started to rattle and using sign language asked to be given some paper and a writing utensil. The priest gave him a block of paper and a pen, the man with great effort scribbled something on it and visibly suffering, expired. Reverently, the priest put the paper into an envelope and sealed it. At the funeral, after a touching eulogy praising the virtues of the deceased, the priest said:

“Dear mourners! During his last moments our brother wrote down a few lines, which I would like to read to you now.”

He opened the envelope and started reading:

“Father! You are standing on my oxygen bottle hose!”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Category: C'est La Vie STATUES

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," - he announced to them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."

And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," - said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said:

"Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Category: Business Is Business BANKER

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him:

"Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"

The young man answered:

"Yes, I did."

To this the tailor said:

"Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Monday, October 26, 2009

Category: Boys and Girls BRIEF ONES ¬ “Excuse me Madam, I’m a stranger in this town. Can you tell me where do you live?”

¬ “At the age of 17, the girls’ voice changes. Instead of ‘no’, they start saying ‘yes’”.

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Category: Boys and Girls TRYING TO PLEASE

After a night out at a club, a young lady asked a man back for a cup of coffee, which was accepted gratefully. After a bit of small talk, the man asked:

“Which way's the toilet?”

“Well, if you don't mind,” - came the reply, -”it's upstairs, but my father's asleep and he's not been well. Would you mind using the sink in the kitchen, rather than risk waking him?”

“Of course!” – said the young man, eager to impress.

A few minutes later, the man walked back in and said:

“Got any paper?”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Category: Blondes ARRANGEMENT

A depressed young New York blonde was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her and said:

“Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.”

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added:

“I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, the captain discovered her.

“What are you doing here?” – asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” - she explained. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. And well, he's also screwing me.”

“He sure is, lady,” - said the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry!”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Friday, October 23, 2009

Category: Blondes MEET ME HALFWAY

A blonde woman named Babbette found herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she was in serious financial trouble. She was so desperate that she decided to ask God for help. She began to pray:

“God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night came and somebody else won it. Babbette again prayed:

“God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.”

Lotto night came and Babbette still had no luck. Once again, she prayed:

“My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Babbette was overwhelmed by the voice of God Himself:

“Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Category: At School QUESTION/ANSWER

Question:

“What is the difference between a pedagogue and pedophile?”

Answer:

“Pedophiles like children.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Category: Army Stories THE JOKE IS ON YOU

At a military training facility, the parachutist-trainees were scheduled to jump out of a plane for the first time in their life. The training officer gave some heavy-handed “assistance” to those who developed cold feet at the door of the plane. One soldier in particular put up more than a token resistance, holding on with all his strength to the door’s edges, kicking, fighting, swearing until at considerable effort the officer managed to push him out. Another trainee burst out into loud laughter.

“What is so funny in that I helped a coward to make up his mind?” – asked the officer.

“That was our pilot!” – said the other wiping off his streaming tears.

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Category: Animal Stories DINNER COMPANION

A man accompanied by his dog, used to come to the pub every night, order a glass of whisky for himself and a small beer for his dog. He poured the beer into a saucer and the dog seemed to enjoy the foamy beverage. One night, the barman noticed that the dog came in unaccompanied. He just stood there, looked at the barman and wagged its tail. The man thought to himself:

“Maybe his owner couldn’t come and the dog came alone to get his nightly drink.”

He poured the animal its usual potion; the dog lapped it up, wagged its tail again and sauntered out. The same thing happened the next evening. The dog came in, had a drink and left again. On the third day, the regular patron showed up again and approached the barman.

“I am very grateful to you for taking care of my dog during my sickness,” – he said. “I brought you a nice lobster for your trouble.”

“Thank you,” - replied the barman, - “I’ll take it home for dinner.”

“He already had dinner,” - explained his customer. “Take him to the movies.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Monday, October 19, 2009

Category: Animal Stories CHESS PLAYERS

The fox challenged the rabbit to a series of chess games, but to his chagrin, the rabbit invariably beat him. Said the frustrated fox:

“I am considered one of the cleverest animals in the forest. How do you manage to win all our games? What is your secret?”

“Before every game I always visit my mistress,” - answered the hare. “Having sex sharpens my brain and gives me so much energy that I play better than average.”

The fox remained unconvinced that the same trick would work for him, but decided to give it a try anyway. Before their next game he went into the kitchen and while his wife was preparing dinner, surprised her from behind. His spouse must have been very busy, because she did not even turn around and just asked:

“Going to play chess, Bunny dear?”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Category: Airline Stories PECKING ORDER

A white, Chinese and a black woman were seated on adjacent seats on an airplane. All of a sudden a frantic voice announced over the passenger address system that the plane was going to crash. Immediately the white woman pulled out her make-up and started primping. The other two asked her what she was doing. She replied:

“After a crash they always look for the beautiful people first.”

The Chinese women opened her purse and started putting on all of her jewelry. When the other two asked her what she was doing, she answered:

“After a crash they always look for the rich people first.”

At that the black women started taking off her pants and of course the other two women asked her what she was doing. She said:

“I don't know where you all get your info, but they always search for the black box first!”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Category: Women's Lib THE IDEAL HUSBAND The definition of an ideal husband:

Does not smoke

Does not drink

Does not flirt

Does not exist.

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Friday, October 16, 2009

Category: Women's Lib GOD'S GIFTS

God was just about done creating the universe, but he had a couple of leftover things in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee.

“It's a very handy thing,” - God told the couple, who he found hanging around under an apple tree. “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.”

Adam popped a cork. Jumped up and begged:

“Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. I'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden, or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please...”

On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee). Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was...well, good.

“Fine,” - God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts. “What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms...”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Category: Viagra GOLFER

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill. The pharmacist asked:

"How many?"

The man replied:

"Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said:

"That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy.”

The old fellow said:

"Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes.

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Category: Sporting World SEDUCTION SCENE A sport-slanted variation of a delightful little story:

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a deserted island all alone for ten years, saw an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” - he thought to himself. As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf came this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approached the stunned guy and asked:

“How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!” - he said.

She reached over, unzipped a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulled out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He took one, lighted it and after taking a long drag and sighed:

“Man, oh man! Is that ever good!”

She then asked him:

“How long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?”

Trembling, he replied:

“Ten years!”

She unzipped the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulled out a flask and gave it to him. The man opened the flask, took a long swig and said:

“Wow, that’s absolutely fantastic!”

The woman then started slowly unzipping the long zipper that ran down the front of her wet suit, looked at him seductively and asked:

“And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

The guy, with tears in his eyes, replied:

“Oh sweet Lord God! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Category: Straight From The Hip

RECTIFICATION

“Sir, my car hit your cat by accident. I would like to rectify your loss somehow.”

“All right. Can you catch mice?”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Monday, October 12, 2009

Category: Sporting World GOLF GUN

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of one Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" - asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," - the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Category: Simpletons PAMPERING

Bill, a somewhat simple-minded young fella, decided to let himself be pampered and went to a brothel. Explaining his desire to the madam, she answered him:

“Sure we can pamper you, but as to how much, depends on how much money you have.”

Looking into his wallet Bill stated:

“All I have is $10.”

Laughing, the madam exclaimed:

“Well, for ten dollars you can go outside around back and play with yourself.”

Looking a bit depressed, obviously let down having expected more, Bill went outside. After a few minutes, he returned. A bit irritated, the madam of the house asked him:

“Well, what are you doing back here?!”

Bill said:

“I've finished and would like to pay.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Category: Political Jokes NOT CRAZY

At the former Soviet Emigration Office:

“What are your reasons for requesting an Emigration Permit?”

“My uncle in Canada has become totally deaf and cannot manage on his own.”

“Hmm. And why doesn’t your uncle come here to live with you?”

“He is just deaf, not crazy.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Friday, October 09, 2009

Category: On the Farm DO IT YOURSELF

In Eastern European anecdotes, Aristid and Tasilo are the names of two characters, personifying typical pre-World War II noblemen – foolish, lazy and conceited, of no use to the society.

Aristid and Tasilo owned a cattle-farm. They made a nice living selling milk, producing dairy products and selling male calves for meat. One day, during a big fire, their stable burned down and all their cattle perished. Aristid became very dejected.

“What are we going to do?” - he wailed. “Where will our livelihood come from?”

“Don’t worry,” - consoled him Tasilo. “A small shed, with one calf, was not destroyed. We shall take the calf to be bred, it will have calves, which in turn will be inseminated and soon enough we will have a big herd.”

Aristid perked up a little. They took the calf to the village and asked one of the peasants:

“How much do you charge for having your bull mount our heifer.”

“Just $200,” - replied the peasant.

“Don’t you think that it is too much?” - asked Tasilo.

The owner of the bull retorted angrily:

“If you don’t like the price, maybe you should do it yourself.”

Both Aristid and Tasilo found this to be a capital idea. They returned to their farm and threw a coin to decide who will perform the deed. It turned out, that Tasilo was the man. He took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and entered the shed. For a while only muffled bangs, crashes and clangs were heard from the inside and then Tasilo reemerged, breathing heavily, with torn clothing and bleeding from several scratches.

“What on Earth happened to you?” - asked Aristid in astonishment.

“Do you know how difficult it is to flip a cow on its back?”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Category: Old Age Humiliations OIL CHANGE

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:

“This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”

He answered: “You have to keep that old motor running.”

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said:

“You really are amazing. How do you do it?”

He again said: “You have to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said:

“You must be quite a man.”

He responded: “You have to keep that old motor running.”

The nurse then said, “Well, it's high time you changed the oil. This one's black.”

Add to Technorati Favorites Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com
Custom Search

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Category: Old Age Humiliations WHO IS CALLING? An 80-year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months together, the woman wasn’t feeling well and went to her doctor. The doctor examined her and said: “Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you’re going to be a mother.”

“Get serious doctor, I’m 80.”

“I know,” - said the doctor. “This morning I would have said it was impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle.”

“I’ll be darned,” - she replied and stormed out of the office. She walked down the hall and around the corner to where the telephones were. In a rage, she dialed her husband.

“Hello,” - she heard his familiar halting voice. She screamed:

“You rotten SOB. You got me pregnant!”

There was a pause on the line. Finally, her husband answered:

“Who’s calling please?”

Add to Technorati Favorites
Custom Search