Joke parade - A joke a day keeps the doctor away.

2012-01-31T17:56:00.000+02:00

Category: Ecumenical Stories

THE RABBI'S CHILDREN

There was a rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby, so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the rabbi's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much his additional children were costing the synagogue. Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd:
"Children are a gift from God," - he said.
Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said:
"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said:
"Amen".

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2012-01-30T21:18:00.000+02:00

Category: Ecumenical Stories
TEMPTATION

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.”

How could you do this?!"

"I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window and then I found myself trying it on," - she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'"

"Well," - the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'"

"I did," - replied his wife, - "but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"

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2012-01-29T17:26:00.001+02:00

Category: Ecumenical Stories

WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said:

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.”
"What type of bra?" - asked the clerk.
"Type?" - inquired the man. "There's more than one type?”
"Look around," - said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded:
"It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."

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2012-01-28T19:31:00.003+02:00

Category: Ecumenical Stories

FATHER

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said:
"I am a Father."
The little boy replied:
"My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered:
"I am the Father of many."
The boy said:
"My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said:
"I am the Father of hundreds" - and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said:
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

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2012-01-27T16:49:00.001+02:00

Category: Ecumenical Stories

MOTHER THERESA

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates.

"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" - asked God.
"I could eat," - Mother Teresa replied.
So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet. The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal.
Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked:
"God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it.”
God sighed:
"Let's be honest Terry," - he said, "For just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."

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2012-01-26T18:28:00.001+02:00

Category: Drinking Problem
STUBBORN FELLOW

A man had been drinking at the pub all night. At closing time, the man stood up to leave and fell down. He tried it once more with the same results. He figured that if he would crawl outside, maybe the fresh air would sober him up. Once on the street, he stood up and fell down. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he tried to stand up, but fell down again. He managed somehow to unlock the door, crawled through it and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he managed to pull himself upright, fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. The next morning he was awakened by his wife standing next to the bed and shouting:

“You pig! You have been out drinking again!!”
“What makes you say that?” – the man asked, putting on an innocent look.
“They called from the pub – you left your wheelchair there again.”

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2012-01-25T21:57:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

HEADACHES

The doctor said:
"Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought:
"That's what I need - a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman:
"I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said:
"Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed:
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked:
"How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said:
"Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said:
"Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised:
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked:
"How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said:
"Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said:
"Let's see...9-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished:
"That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked:
"How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said:
"Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said:
"Let's see...size 36."
Joe laughed:
"Ah ha, got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head:
"You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
ALWAYS get a second opinion...

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2012-01-24T19:58:00.002+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients
ROOM 302

Anyone who has ever been in a hospital, or had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this: A woman called a local hospital:

"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse"

The voice on the other end said:

"What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said:

"What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said:

"From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member, or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me shit."

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2012-01-23T18:30:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

DO YOU KNOW

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.

After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her:
"Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," - she replied, - "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," - said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" - he asked.
"Yes," - the woman said, - "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer.
"Correct," - replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked:
"Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," - she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."

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2012-01-22T22:23:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

PRESCRIPTION

A lady walked into the drug store and asked the druggist for some arsenic. The druggist asked:

"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
The lady said:
"I want to kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" - said the druggist.
The lady then reached into her purse and pulled out a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position. The man was her husband and the lady the druggist's wife. The druggist looked at the photo and said:
"Oh, I didn't know you had a prescription!"

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2012-01-21T20:26:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

BAD ADVICE

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?" – asked the doctor.
"My local General Practitioner."
"Your GP?" – scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."

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2012-01-20T17:43:00.002+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

TURNING ADVERSITY INTO GAIN

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with. The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The man agreed and began by saying:
“This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?”
The pharmacist said:
“Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said:
“We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car and $3000 a month living expenses”.

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2012-01-19T22:31:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients
MAECENAS

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” – the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful!” – the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor.”

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2012-01-18T19:33:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

PROBLEM SOLVED

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.

“Please, you have to come right over,” – pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.”
The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.
“You don't have to come over after all,” – the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”

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2012-01-17T20:13:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients
WHO IS SPEAKING?

A phone call was received at the obstetrician's office:
“I need a doctor urgently” – said a frantic voice. “My wife is going to deliver any minute now. Her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” – the nurse asked.
“No, you idiot!” – the man shouted. “This is her husband!”

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2012-01-16T21:27:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

TESTING

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”
Mr. Smith: “What do you mean?”
Receptionist: “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife.”
Mr. Smith: “That’s bad and terrible! What am I supposed to do now?”
Receptionist: “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don’t fuck her.”

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2012-01-15T18:23:00.001+02:00

Category: Doctors and Patients

CONSULTATION

A Doctor husband and his wife had a fight at the breakfast table. The husband got up in a rage and said:

“And you are no good in bed either!” – and stormed out of the house. After a while he realized that he was nasty and decided to make amends. He rang up his home, but his wife answered the phone only after many rings. The husband became again irritated and asked:
“What took you so long to answer the phone?”
She answered:
“I was in bed”.
“In bed this late, doing what?”
“Getting a second opinion” – she said.

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2012-01-14T14:26:00.001+02:00

Category: C'est la Vie

BRIEF ONES

¬ If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.

¬ If you think there's good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.

¬ It doesn't matter whether you win or lose - until you lose.

¬ Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

¬ The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

¬ If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

¬ The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

¬ The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

¬ Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

¬ Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

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2012-01-13T18:25:00.001+02:00

Category: C'est la Vie

WRONG NUMBER

"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy said:
"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief pause:
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl came back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy said:
"Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
“No, this is 486-5713.....”
“Sorry, wrong number!!!!!!!!”

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2012-01-12T18:05:00.001+02:00

Category: C'est la Vie

THE IRISH VIRGIN

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved and it read as follows:
"RETURNED UNOPENED"

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2012-01-11T18:36:00.001+02:00

Category: Business is Business

NIPPLES

A fellow was taking a tour of a factory that produced various latex products. At the first stop, he was shown the machine that manufactured baby-bottle nipples. The machine made a loud hiss-pop noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mould,” – explained the guide. “The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
Later, the tour reached the part of the factory where condoms were manufactured. The machine made a noise:
“Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!”
“Wait a minute!” – said the man taking the tour. “I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what is that 'pop!' every so often?”
“Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” – said the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”
“Well, that can't be good for the condoms!”
“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business”.

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2012-01-10T20:22:00.001+02:00

Category: Business is Business

Actually the same joke as above, but the action and venue are completely different.

A BARGAIN

An elderly couple came to a sex therapist’s office asked him to watch their copulating technique. The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said:

“As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” – and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the fee and leave. Finally the doctor asked:
“Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
The man replied:
“We are not trying to find out anything. My friend here is married and we cannot go to her house, I’m married too and we cannot go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $90, the Hilton charges $108, we do it here for $50 and I get back $43 from Medicare.”

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2012-01-09T17:31:00.001+02:00

Category: Business is Business

COLLATERAL

A well-dressed man walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told him that he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer said that the bank would need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man handed over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said:
“We were very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzled us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The man replied:
“Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?”

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2012-01-08T17:33:00.001+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls

QUESTIONS/ANSWERS

¬ Question

“Why do women fake orgasms?”
Answer:
“Because they think guys actually care.”
¬ Question:
“What is the difference between a person about to commit suicide and a virgin?”
Answer:
“A suicide is trying to die and a virgin is dying to try.”
¬ Question:
“What is a décolletage?”
Answer:
“A low neckline with the help of which a young woman gets herself a husband and an elderly woman pneumonia.”

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2012-01-07T13:46:00.001+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls
PUT DOWNS

¬ “May I see you sometime in the future?”

“No. For me you are already the past.”
¬ “I want to make you happy!”
“Then say bye!”
¬ “It’s a nice dress that you’ve on.”
“Thanks, but just remember that it stays on.”
¬ “For your sake I would even go to the end of world.”
“Fine and would you remain there if I asked you nicely?’

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2012-01-06T18:42:00.001+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls
WONDERFUL WEEKEND

A man and a woman walked into a very posh Rodeo Drive store.

''Show the lady your finest mink!'' - the fellow exclaimed. So the owner of the shop went in back and came out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tried it on, the owner discreetly whispered to the man:
''Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.''
''No problem! I'll write you a check!''
''Very good, sir,'' - said the shop owner. ''Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared.''
So the man and the woman left. On Monday, the fellow returned. The storeowner was outraged:
''How dare you show your face in here?! There was not a single penny in your checking account!!''
''I just had to come by'' – grinned the guy, – ''to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!''

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2012-01-05T19:49:00.001+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls

TELEPATHIC WATCH

A guy walked into a bar and sat down next to a good-looking woman. After a while he started to look at his watch. The woman noticed and asked him if his date was late.
“No,” – he replied. “I’ve just got this new state-of-the-art watch and was about to test it.”
“What does it do?”
“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me.”
“What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing a bra, or panties.”
“Ha! Well, it must be broken, because I am!”
“Darn thing must be an hour fast.”

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2012-01-04T18:39:00.001+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls

THE YOUNGER THE BETTER

A young man came to the father of his beloved:

“Sir, I respectfully request the hand of your daughter.”

“Did you speak to my wife yet?”

“Yes, I did, but if you don’t mind, I prefer your daughter.”

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2012-01-03T18:38:00.002+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls
TRYING TO PLEASE

After a night out at a club, a young lady asked a man back for a cup of coffee, which was accepted gratefully. After a bit of small talk, the man asked:
“Which way's the toilet?”
“Well, if you don't mind,” - came the reply, -”it's upstairs, but my father's asleep and he's not been well. Would you mind using the sink in the kitchen, rather than risk waking him?”
“Of course!” – said the young man, eager to impress.
A few minutes later, the man walked back in and said:
“Got any paper?”

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2012-01-02T18:58:00.003+02:00

Category: Boys and Girls

SON-IN-LAW

The hapless maiden did not have a boyfriend, so she bought herself a vibrator. She was just putting it through its paces, when her father walked in on her.

“And what is my baby-girl doing?” - asked the doting father.

“You know Daddy that I don’t have a lover, so I’m pleasing myself with this little gadget.”

The old man muttered, but knew well how strong desire can be and left wordlessly. The next day the girl came home from work and saw her father sitting in the kitchen, with two bottles of beer and the vibrator on the table before him.

“Dad, what are you doing?”

“Just having a beer with my son-in-law.”

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2012-01-01T18:14:00.007+02:00

Category: Blondes

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

¬ Question:

“How do you know that the blonde had an orgasm?”
Answer:
“She dropped her nail-file.”

¬ Question:
“Which were the hardest six years in the blonde’s life?”
Answer:
“The fifth class.”

¬ Question:
“Why does a blonde stand with closed eyes before the mirror?”
Answer:
“She wants to watch herself sleeping.”

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2011-12-31T12:09:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

BLONDE CALLER

Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5 of the user guide, it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

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2011-12-30T13:52:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

ICE FISHING

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward and said:
"IS THAT YOU LORD?"
The voice replied:
"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

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2011-12-29T20:27:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

HEALTH RISK

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself.
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Lady: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"
Lady: "No, they spread!"

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2011-12-28T21:26:00.000+02:00

Category: Blondes

BLONDE MOTORIST

A blonde motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked:
"Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," - answered the blonde, - "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is that I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," - said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" - he demanded. ”I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"
"Yes, I know you did," - said the blonde, - "but we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World."

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2011-12-27T20:38:00.002+02:00

Category: Blondes

THE NOT SO DUMB BLOND

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said:

"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled:
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed:
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked:
"What did she roll?"
The other answered:
"I don't know -- I thought you were watching."
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

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2011-12-26T17:43:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

THE KNOW-IT-ALL ESTABLISHMENT

Two blonde ladies stood before the orientation-map at a recently opened mall. One of the ladies pointed at the circle inscribed: ‘You are here!’ and asked her friend:
“What I can’t understand is, how do they know where we are?”

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2011-12-25T19:29:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

VENTRILOQUIST

A ventriloquist was doing the round of comedy clubs in Philadelphia. With his dummy on his knee, he went through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stood on her chair and started shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected in our community and from reaching our full potential as people! Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologize. The blonde interrupted him, yelling:
"You stay out of this, asshole! I'm talking to that little shithead on your knee!"

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2011-12-24T17:40:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

DEODORANT

A blonde walked into a pharmacy and asked the assistant for some rectal deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explained to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assured the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
“I'm sorry”, – said the pharmacist, – “we don't have any.”
“But I always get it here,” – said the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” – said the blonde, – “I'll go home and get it.”
She returned with the container. The pharmacist looked at it and said to her:
“This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
Annoyed, the blonde snatched the container back and read out loud from the container:
“TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”

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2011-12-23T18:54:00.001+02:00

Category: Blondes

BLONDE HOUSEPAINTER

This blonde decided one day that she was sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she wanted to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband was off at work, she decided to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband left for work, she got down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrived home at 5:30 and smelt the distinctive smell of paint. He walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He noticed that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He went over and asked her if she is ok. She replied yes. He asked what she was doing. She replied that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women were dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asked her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replied that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said:
“FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS”.

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2011-12-22T22:05:00.003+02:00

Category: At Work

WELL CONNECTED

The president of the company called for one of his subordinates:
“Congratulations young man! I’ve never seen such a quick advancement within our organization. You started half-a-year ago as a simple clerk, in two months you made department manager, in three additional months, division manager and now I’m happy to advise you that you have been appointed as vice-president. What do you say?”
“It’s really nice of you Dad!”

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2011-12-21T15:47:00.001+02:00

Category: At Work

GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES

A guy went to the U. S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asked him:
"Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," - he said. "I was in Viet Nam for three years."
The interviewer said:
"That will give you extra points toward employment".
Then he asked:
"Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy said:
"Yes 100%... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer told the guy:
"O. K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A. M. to 4:00 P. M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 9:00 A. M.
The guy was puzzled and said:
"If the hours are from 8:00 A. M. to 4:00 P. M. then why do you want me to come in at 9:00 A. M?"
"This is a government job," - the interviewer replied. "For the first hour we just sit around scratching our balls....... no point in you coming in for that.”

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2011-12-20T19:23:00.001+02:00

Category: At the Court-of-Law

GOURMET

A forest ranger caught a man sitting at a campfire and eating a bald eagle. The man was consequently brought before a court of law. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”
Man: “Yes I do. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened.”
Judge: “Proceed.”
Man: “I got lost in the woods, hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks and I was literally starving. Next thing I saw a bald eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I thought that if I followed it I could maybe steal the fish. The eagle lighted upon a tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the bird hoping it would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off and the rock hit the eagle squarely on its poor little head and killed it. I thought about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it, I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful than to let it rot on the ground.”
Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.”
15 minutes went by and the judge returned.
Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstances you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.”
The Judge then leaned over the bench and whispered:
“If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?”
Man: “Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is somewhere between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl.”

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2011-12-19T18:20:00.002+02:00

Category: At School

LOGIC

The exams were coming up and the young man on the bus was deeply engrossed in his reading.
“What is your book about?” - asked the passenger in the seat next to him.
“It is about the study of ‘Logic’”.
“And what exactly is logic?” - insisted his neighbor.
“I can try and explain,” - replied the student. “Do you happen to have an aquarium?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” - replied his fellow passenger.
“Then you probably have some fish in it.”
“I do.”
“Then it could be said, that you are an animal lover.”
“You could say that.”
“If you like animals then you probably like people too,” - pressed on the student.
“Of course I do,” - replied the passenger, curious where this was all leading to.
“If you like people in general then you must like women too.”
“That I certainly do.”
“If so, then logically you are not a homosexual,” - summed up the young man. “Do you now understand what ‘Logic’ is all about?”
“I think I got the idea.”
After a while the bus arrived at its destination and the passengers went on their ways. The passenger entered a bar and ordered a beer. Nursing his glass and happy with his newly acquired knowledge he said to the barman:
“I learned a terrific new word today.”
“What is the word?”
“Logic,” - replied the erstwhile passenger.
“And what does it mean?” - inquired the barman, just to keep the conversation going.
“I can explain,” - said his patron. “Do you have an aquarium?”
“No,” - replied the barman.
“Then logic says you are gay.”

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2011-12-18T18:21:00.001+02:00

Category: Army Stories

NOTHING WORKS

The parachutist-trainees were getting ready for their first jump. The officer gave them last minute instructions:
“At 1,000 meters pull string No. 1. In the very rare case that your parachute doesn’t open, string No. 2 is provided as a backup and pulling that will get you safely to the ground. A lorry will wait for you there and take you back to camp.”
A trainee jumped, pulled string No. 1. The parachute didn’t open, so he pulled string No. 2 and again nothing happened.
“Typical!” – grumbled the trainee, – “I won’t be surprised if the lorry isn’t waiting either.”

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2011-12-17T21:09:00.001+02:00

Category: Animal World

I DID NOT MEAN YOU

A drunkard took his dog for a walk. A passerby asked:
“What are you doing with that pig?”
“It is not a pig,” - said the lush, - “it’s a dog.”
“I wasn’t speaking to you, I was addressing your dog.”

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2011-12-16T20:05:00.001+02:00

Category: Animal World

CLEVER CREATURE

A dog came into the butcher’s. He put down the basket, which he carried in his mouth and gave a shopping list to the butcher. When the butcher put all items on the list into the basket, the dog paid for his shopping, picked up the basket, opened the door and started for home. The butcher was so astonished that he followed him. He saw that the dog stopped at a red light, pressed the button and waited patiently until the light became green. On the other side of the street, the canine went to the bus stop and read carefully the timetable. A bus came but the dog looked at its number and let it pass. When his bus arrived, he got on it. He paid for his ticket and after a few stops got on his hind legs and rang for the driver to stop.
The dog got off the bus and went along the street, followed by the butcher, until they reached a certain house. The dog put the basket on the steps and hit the door hard with his head. He waited for a while and then repeated his action several times, until a man looked out of one of the windows and opened the door for him.
The butcher could not resist the temptation to turn to the dog’s owner and enthuse:
“I hope that you don’t mind, but I followed your dog here from my shop and I must tell you, that I never saw such a clever animal in my life.”
Replied the dog’s owner scornfully:
“Clever? The hell he is! This is the second time in a row this week that he has forgotten his house key.”

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2011-12-15T18:13:00.001+02:00

Category: Animal World

HEAVENLY REWARD

A cat died and went to heaven and met there the Lord Himself. The Lord said to the cat:
“You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know.”
The cat thought for a moment and said:
“Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
“Say no more” - said the Lord and instantly a wonderful fluffy pillow appeared. A few days later, six mice were killed in a farming accident and went to heaven. Again, there was the Lord to greet them with the same offer. The mice answered:
“All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?”
The Lord said:
“Say no more” - and fitted each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later the Lord stopped by to see the cat and found him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently woke him and asked:
“How are things since you got here?”
The cat stretched luxuriously, yawned and replied:
“It is wonderful here. Better than I could ever have expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!”

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2011-12-14T22:42:00.001+02:00

Category: Animal Stories

MOUSY DEALINGS

Chewing its way through some old reels at the Warner Brothers film-library, a mouse encountered a colleague.
“How is the film?” - he asked.
“The book was better.”

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2011-12-13T18:25:00.001+02:00

Category: Animal World

DINNER COMPANION

A man accompanied by his dog, used to come to the pub every night, order a glass of whisky for himself and a small beer for his dog. He poured the beer into a saucer and the dog seemed to enjoy the foamy beverage. One night, the barman noticed that the dog came in unaccompanied. He just stood there, looked at the barman and wagged its tail. The man thought to himself:
“Maybe his owner couldn’t come and the dog came alone to get his nightly drink.”
He poured the animal its usual potion; the dog lapped it up, wagged its tail again and sauntered out. The same thing happened the next evening. The dog came in, had a drink and left again. On the third day, the regular patron showed up again and approached the barman.
“I am very grateful to you for taking care of my dog during my sickness,” – he said. “I brought you a nice lobster for your trouble.”
“Thank you,” - replied the barman, - “I’ll take it home for dinner.”
“He already had dinner,” - explained his customer. “Take him to the movies.”

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2011-12-12T19:06:00.001+02:00

Category: Afterlife

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

A football player came to the well-known fortune-teller and asked her:
“Look here, lately I haven’t been feeling so well and since the game of football is the most important thing in my life, I would like to know, if it is played in heaven.”
The soothsayer looked through her crystal ball and after a while uttered:
“I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that they do play football in heaven – they have even a National League. The bad news is, that you are scheduled to play next Sunday.”

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2011-12-11T19:27:00.001+02:00

Category: Airline Stories

ON-TIME DEPARTURE

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said:
“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant:
“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The flight attendant asked:
“Did your mother tell you to ask me?”
He said:
“Yes”
So she said:
“Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time.”

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2011-12-10T22:10:00.001+02:00

Category: Women's Lib

KEEPING HERSELF PURE

A fellow in a bar noticed a woman, always alone, coming in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
“No thank you,” - she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”
“That must be rather difficult,” - the man replied.
“Oh, I don't mind too much,” - she said, - “but it has my husband is pretty upset.”

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2011-12-09T16:43:00.001+02:00

Category: Women's Lib

CONSCIENTIUOUS OBJECTORS

Two women shared an apartment for many years. Both were conscientious objectors to sexual intercourse and avoided contact with men as much as possible. Even their cat was kept safely locked in the apartment, lest it meet tomcats. Then through her work, one of the women got acquainted with a man, fell in love and married him.
Her friend’s marriage came as a shock to the other woman, but she put on a brave face and asked her mate to write from her honeymoon. A few days passed and no mail arrived. Then, after a week, a postcard came with just a few words scribbled on it hurriedly:
“Let the cat out!”

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2011-12-08T18:22:00.001+02:00

Category: Women's Lib

GIRLIE DREAMS

Three ladies of the night were discussing who they would like to become, if they were reborn. The first said:
“I would love to be a star like Brigitte Bardot.”
The second woman had higher ambitions:
“I would like to be reborn as someone of standing, like Golda Meir.”
The third said with a dreamy expression:
“I would prefer to become a marine pipeline”
When she saw the astonished looks on her companion’s faces, she simply pointed to a headline in that day’s paper:
“MARINE PIPELINE LAID BY 100 MEN.”

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2011-12-07T19:12:00.002+02:00

Category: Viagra

LIMITED INFIRMITY

A man came to the physician and complained:
“Doctor, I cannot get it up anymore.”
The doctor prescribed him some pills, but warned him not to take more than one pill weekly. He also explained that the influence of the pill wears off after one hour, but that should be sufficient. The patient, anxious to try out his new medication and being sure that his wife was at home, took one pill even before he opened his door. To his surprise the apartment was empty and a note from his wife advised him that she left to visit her mother. By the time the wife returned home, the influence of the pill had of course worn off and no effort could get up the sagging manhood of the husband.
The next day the man returned to the physician and asked him if he can take just one more pill. He explained that he took one when his wife was absent and it was wasted. Jokingly, the physician inquired:
“Don’t you have a girlfriend next-door? Couldn’t she have helped you out?”
The patient protested indignantly:
“If you must know, I happen to have a very nice neighbor, but with her I don’t need a pill.”

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2011-12-06T20:19:00.001+02:00

Category: Those Professionals

ENGINEERING PROBLEM

Two engineers were standing in the park. One had a new bike.
The other said:
“Nice bike. How much?”
The first said:
“It was free.”
The other asked:
“Wow, how did you get it for free?”
The one with the bike said:
“Yesterday a beautiful girl rode up on this bike, took off all her clothes and told me I could have anything I wanted.”
The other engineer said:
“Good move! Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway!”

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2011-12-05T20:08:00.001+02:00

Category: The Absent-Minded Professor

A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY

It was late at night when the professor arrived in the strange town. He took a taxi to the only hotel, but was told that there are no rooms available. Still, the night clerk had a suggestion:
“At what time do you intend to check out?” - he asked.
“Quite early,” - answered the educator. “I have to catch the 6:00 a.m. train.”
“Then I could put you up in Room 201. A priest took the room an hour ago, but he looked so tired, that he is probably fast asleep by now. If you keep quiet, he won’t even notice that someone is sharing the room with him.”
The professor took the room, settled his bill in advance and asked to be awakened at 5 o’clock in the morning. He undressed in darkness and at dawn when the clerk knocked on his door did not switch on the light. In the dark room and in his haste, he put on the priest’s clothes. The porter summoned a taxi for the professor and it was only at the railway station, when he happened to look into a mirror, that he noticed his mistake.
“Look at those fools,”- exclaimed the exasperated professor. “They woke up the priest instead of me!”

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2011-12-04T19:44:00.001+02:00

Category: Computers

PASSWORD

A wife was helping her husband set up his computer and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...

P.....

E.....

N.....

I.....

S.....

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD DENIED - NOT LONG ENOUGH

"xx" - said
"xx" - said

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2011-12-03T16:28:00.001+02:00

Category: Computers

IF A RESTAURANT FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT

Patron: “Waiter!”
Waiter: “Hi, my name is Bill and I'm your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?”
Patron: “There's a fly in my soup!”
Waiter: “Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.”
Patron: “No, it's still there.”
Waiter: “Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork.”
Patron: “Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.”
Waiter: “Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?”
Patron: “A SOUP bowl!”
Waiter: “Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?”
Patron: “You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!”
Waiter: “Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?”
Patron: “I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!”
Waiter: “Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?”
Patron: “You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??”
Waiter: “Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.”
Patron: “Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?”
Waiter: “The current Soup of the Day is tomato.”
Patron: “Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.”
The waiter left and returned with another bowl of soup and the check:
Waiter: “Here you are, Sir, the soup and your check.”
Patron: “But this is potato soup.”
Waiter: “Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.”
Patron: “Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.”
The waiter left.
Patron: “Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!”

The check:
Soup of the Day ……… .........……… $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day…. $2.50
Access to support …………………… $10.00
Total ………………………………… $17.50

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2011-12-02T17:27:00.001+02:00

Category: Technology

CHICKENBROTH

A recent quote from the “Meat & Poultry” magazine tells the following story:
The US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass’ impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation:
“Use a thawed chicken.”

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2011-12-01T19:16:00.001+02:00

Category: Computers

PERFECT TRANSLATION

After many years of experimentation, the Army announced that it had managed to develop a computer program to translate any English text into Russian. The commanding general, who came to see the new product, was invited to choose a sentence for translation. The general thought for a minute and then uttered:
“Out of sight, out of mind!”
Within 5 seconds, a Russian sentence appeared on the screen. Everybody stared at the Cyrillic script, but as none of those present understood Russian, nobody could verify that the translation was correct. Suddenly the general had a bright idea (it does happen sometimes, believe me!):
“Let the computer translate the Russian sentence back to English.”
Again 5 seconds passed and then the translation came up. It read:
“Invisible idiot!”

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2011-11-30T19:33:00.001+02:00

Category: Tax Matters

A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), the following anonymous letter was received by the IRS:
“I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax and understated my taxable income. I enclose a check for $150.00. If I still can't sleep, I’ll send the rest.”

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2011-11-29T19:58:00.001+02:00

Category: Straight from the Hip

OBVIOUS

"Two women met.
“Where have you been?” - asked one.
“I went to the beauty parlor, but it was closed.”
“I can see that.”

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2011-11-28T18:24:00.001+02:00

Category: Sporting World

A REAL FAN

"Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. When he arrived at the stadium, he realized that his seat was in the last row, in the far upper corner of the stadium. About halfway through the first quarter, he noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him:
“Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?”
The man said no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquired of the man next to him:
“This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?”
The man replied:
“Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't attended together since we got married in 1967.”
“Well, that's really sad,” - said Bob, - “but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?”
“No,” - answered the man, - “they're all at the funeral.”

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2011-11-27T19:59:00.001+02:00

Category: Simpletons

CROSSED WIRES

Two policemen walked their beat in the East-European capital. One of them suggested:
“Don’t you think it would be wise if we learned a foreign language?”
Hardly had he finished speaking, when a big American car stopped near them. A man leaned out of the window and asked:
“Do you speak English?”
Both policemen shook their heads in negation.
The man tried again:
“Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”
“Parlate Italiano?’
“Parlez vous Francais?”
“¿Habla Espanol?”
To each of the questions, the policemen just looked at him uncomprehendingly. At last the foreigner muttered under his breath: 'Damn!' and drove off.
“You see, that man spoke at least five languages and where did it get him?” – asked the second policeman.

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2011-11-26T18:21:00.001+02:00

Category: Simpletons

CUCKOO'S NEST

“You know, my son is a complete nitwit.”
“How can you say such a thing? He’s a nice kid.”
“O.K., pay attention! Jimmy, go down to the bus station and see if I’m there.”
Ten minutes later the child came back, panting after his run:
“You are not there Dad.”
“You see what a dimwit he is.”
“Indeed…He could’ve seen from the window that you are not there.”

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2011-11-25T18:34:00.001+02:00

Category: Salesmen

YOU EITHER HAVE IT, OR YOU DON'T

All traveling salesmen used to meet in the same compartment on the train and there - over a few beers, play cards, swaps stories and pass the long hours of the journey. One day a young, new salesman came on the train and asked permission to join his peers. He did not as yet dare join the conversation and was just listening to his elder and more experienced colleagues, in the hope of learning something. Suddenly he heard one of them say:
“You remember that fabulous one, ‘9’?” - and saw to his astonishment, that most of the salesmen burst out laughing. After a while, another said:
“And what about ‘27’?” - this time everybody started guffawing, slapping their knees, holding their sides and wiping their tears. One guy in the corner tried to trump the previous teller and said:
“That is nothing! Listen to this: ‘13’,” - but this time, hardly anyone smiled.
His curiosity aroused, the young salesman whispered to the man next to him:
“Can you tell me please what do all those numbers mean and why is everybody laughing?”
His neighbor smiled understandingly and replied:
“We have been traveling so many years together that by now we know each others’ jokes by heart. So, instead of retelling them over and over, we numbered them. Now it is enough for someone to mention a number, to get us all laughing.”

(End of Joke One)

The young man found that this was a capital idea and asked for a list of all the jokes with their numbers, so that at their next meeting, he too could participate in the joke-telling ritual. He made a great concentrated effort to memorize the list by his next journey and indeed had it down pat when he came on the train. As soon as everybody was seated, beer in hand, the young man exclaimed:
“Gentlemen, do you remember ‘32’?”
To his great disappointment, the faces of the assembled men remained serious. Nobody even smiled.
“Well,” - thought the young man to himself. “It is not such a hot item anyway. To warm up the atmosphere, I should have started off with the best one of the lot.”
“And what about ‘19’?” - he continued.
An embarrassing silence ensued. After a while somebody remarked:
“My son, it is not enough to recognize a joke. You must know how to tell it!”

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2011-11-24T18:05:00.001+02:00

Category: Preposterous Stories

BRAGGER

Goldberg was bragging to his boss one day:
"You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone and I know him."
Tired of Goldberg’s boasting, the boss called his bluff:
"OK, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it."
So Goldberg and his boss flew out to Hollywood, knocked on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough Tom Cruise shouted:
"Goldberg! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Goldberg's boss was still skeptical. After they left Cruise's house, he told Goldberg that he thought Goldberg's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," – Goldberg said.
"President Bush," – his boss quickly retorted.
"Yes," – Goldberg said, – "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they went. At the White House, Bush spotted Goldberg on the tour and motioned him and his boss over, saying:
"Goldberg, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in.
Let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss was very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they left the White House grounds, he expressed his doubts to Goldberg, who again implored him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," – his boss replied.
"Sure!" – said Goldberg. "I've known the Pope for a long time."
So off they flew to Rome. Goldberg and his boss were assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Goldberg said:
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappeared into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Goldberg emerged with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time he returned, he found that his boss has had a heart attack and was surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side,
Goldberg asked him:
"What happened?"
His boss looked up and said:
"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked: ‘”Who's that on the balcony with Goldberg?’"

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2011-11-23T18:10:00.001+02:00

Category: Political Jokes

PIGS

President Clinton arrived back in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He stepped out of the plane carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, the Marine guard sharply saluted him as usual.
Clinton said:
“I'd like to salute you back son, but as you can see my hands are full.”
The Marine replied:
“Yes Sir! Mighty fine pigs, Sir!”
President Clinton responded:
“These aren't just ordinary pigs, Marine, they are pure Arkansas Razorback Pigs!!”
The Marine replied:
“Yes Sir! Mighty fine Razorbacks Sir!”
The President then responded:
“I got this one for Hillary and this one for Chelsea.”
The Marine guard then replied:
“Yes Sir! GOOD trade, Sir!”

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2011-11-22T19:07:00.001+02:00

Category: Political Jokes

DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH FACTS

At the Faculty of Architecture at the Moscow University, the professor was telling his class about the new worker-flats in the Housing Project on the outskirts of Leningrad. One of the students raised his finger. The professor consulted the place-chart on his table and then said impatiently:
“Yes, Comrade Dimitri Ivanovits, what is it?”
“I have just returned from a visit with my family in Leningrad and I saw not a single new house being built anywhere.”
“You see Comrades what happens, when someone keeps loitering on the streets, instead of studying in his room.”

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2011-11-21T22:37:00.001+02:00

Category: Political Jokes

YOU CANNOT BEAT THE SYSTEM

In communist Poland a Page One news item in the Party organ advised, that a long-awaited shipment of flour had arrived and there would be fresh bread the next day. In the early morning hours a long line has formed in front of the bakery.
The baker was also waiting inside his shop. At about 7 o’clock when he saw that the delivery-truck had not arrived yet, he opened the door and called out:
“It seems there will not be enough bread for everyone. All the Jews should go home!”
A few left. At 8 o’clock, the baker came out again and shouted:
“There’re still too many left. All who are not Party members may go home!”
Now the crowd diminished considerably. At 10 o’clock, the baker emerged once more:
“There will be bread only for families with small children. The rest need not wait any longer.”
Now only a few dozen women were left in the queue. At 11:30, the baker appeared again and announced:
“I am sorry, but there will not be any bread today. Apparently, the flour was stale.”
Slowly the women dispersed. One of them remarked:
“Look at the bloody Jews, they got home and are warming their fat butts since hours ago.”

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2011-11-20T21:45:00.001+02:00

Category: Political Jokes

KEY CHARACTER

Rabinovits applied for an exit visa from the Soviet Union. He was ordered to come to the Emigration Office:
“You have a big apartment and a good job. Why do you want to emigrate to Israel?”
“I wouldn’t mind staying, but my wife wants to go.”
“You’re a man. Can’t you change your wife’s mind?”
“I could, but her parents want to leave too.”
“Let them go and you can stay.”
“Regretfully, I’m unable. I’m the only Jew in the family.”

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2011-11-19T16:04:00.001+02:00

Category: Parenting

MODEL PARENT

A man pushing a cart, which contained a screaming, bellowing baby was seen in the supermarket. The gentleman kept repeating softly:
“Don't get excited, Albert. Don't scream, Albert. Don’t yell, Albert. Keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said:
“You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert.”
The man looked at her and said:
“Lady, I'm Albert.”

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2011-11-18T16:59:00.000+02:00

Category: On the Farm

ON THE ROAD

On a deserted country road, a student stopped a farmer in a horse-drawn buggy:
“Tell me please, is it far to the nearest town?”
“Not very far.”
“Can you give me a lift?”
“Sure.”
The buggy advanced in its slow way along the bumpy road. An hour passed then another couple of hours. The student nodded off and when he woke up, they still were in the middle of nowhere. Finally he spoke up:
“Tell me, is it still far to the town?”
“It sure is now.”

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2011-11-17T20:25:00.001+02:00

Category: On the Farm

IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD

A tourist group visited a model dairy farm, renowned for its advanced systems. The agronomist showed them around and when they reached the cow-shed, proudly introduced their mighty bull:
“This is our multi-decorated prize-bull. He performs his duties twice daily and has sired many fine, high yield cows...”
“Did you hear that Fritz,” – said one of a the ladies – “that bull does it twice a day!”
“Yea,” – replied her husband nonchalantly – “but with a different cow each time.”

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2011-11-16T16:03:00.002+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

PERJURY

Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Wally didn't show up. Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or some such. But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week, or so, Max really got worried. However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they used to play a lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't remember where Wally lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his heavenly reward, but one day Max approached the park and lo and behold, there sat Wally! Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said:
"For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???"
Wally replied:
"I have been in jail."
"Jail???," - cried Max. "What in the world for???"
"Well," - Wally said, - "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"
"Yeah" - said MAX, - "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think, an old geezer like me could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty'.
The judge then took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."

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2011-11-15T22:32:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

LYING

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, showed up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocked everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hung over Bob's arm and listened intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club were all aghast. At the very first chance, they cornered him and asked:
"Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replied:
"Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continued to ask:
"So , how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age" - Bob replied.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiled and said:
"No, I told her I was 90."

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2011-11-14T17:20:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

FAIR SAMPLE

A senior citizen went in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor entered the examination room he said:
"I will need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The man, being hard of hearing, turned to his wife and asked:
"What did he say?"
The wife yelled back to him:
"GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

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2011-11-13T19:02:00.003+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

KILLED BY THE BELL

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied:
“He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," - replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued:
"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.”

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2011-11-11T19:00:00.000+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

HEARING AID

A man and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asked the lady:
"Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat! When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady:
"Up or down?"
There she went again, stripped off her clothes and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river and the elderly gentleman asked:
"Up or down?"
The woman replied:
"Down."
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady:
"Up or down?"
She replied:
"Up."
This really confused the gentleman so he asked:
"What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
She replied:
"Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown."

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2011-11-10T12:33:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

OLD AGE AND CUNNING

An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him:
"We're not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned:
"I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up he said:
"I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.

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2011-11-09T21:15:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

ITALIAN BREAD

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said:
“Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said:
"Do you have any Italian bread?"
She said:
"Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said:
"I want 5 loaves."
She said:
"My goodness, 5 loaves...don't you think by the time you get to the 5th loaf it'll be hard?"
He replied:
"Holy crap! Everybody in the world knows about this Italian bread thing but ME....?!"

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2011-11-08T22:09:00.003+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

FOR THE POSTERITY

When the husband finally died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered than a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly: "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow:
"I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for the posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

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2011-11-07T10:05:00.003+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

THE RABBI'S ADVICE

An older Jewish gentleman married a younger lady and they were very much in love. However, no matter what the husband did sexually, the woman never achieved orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decided to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listened to their story, stroked his beard and made the following suggestion:
"Hire a good looking, strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife to fantasize and should bring the desired pleasure."
They went home and followed the rabbi's advice. They hired a handsome young man and he waved a towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and she remained unsatisfied. Perplexed, they went back to the rabbi.
"Okay", – said the rabbi to the husband, – "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they followed the rabbi's advice. The young man got into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man got to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly:
"You see, schmuck, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

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2011-11-06T20:02:00.000+02:00

Category: Old Age Simulations

BROTHEL VISIT

An elderly man went into a brothel and told the madam that he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looked at the man and asked how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," - he said
"Ninety!" - commented the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," - said the old man, - "how much do I owe you?"

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2011-11-05T22:12:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

CURE ALL

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
     When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
     "Miss Bea," - he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" - pointing to the bowl.
     "Oh, yes," - she replied, - "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

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2011-11-04T18:55:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

HONEST JOHN

Police Officer O'Leary was cruising around in his patrol car one night. He was on the lookout for trouble. He saw two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in "Honest John's" used car lot. The car lot was closed, so O'Leary drove up alongside the Chevy and asked:

"Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

"Certainly not," – said one of the ladies, – "we purchased the car this afternoon."
"Well," – said the cop, – "why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"

"We don't drive," – replied the other little old lady, – "and besides we are waiting. We were told that if we bought a car here, we would get screwed."

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2011-11-03T18:48:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

YARD SALE

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip I passed the same Nursing Home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.
"Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"
"Yes," - he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale.

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2011-11-02T18:31:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

JEWISH SONGS

Mrs. Cohen, aged 84, and Mrs. Murphy, aged 85, were lifelong friends, but because each was also a bit old-fashioned, each chose to go to a retirement home of her own respective religion. It was not long, however, before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said:
“Don't be holding back Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here?”
Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the caretakers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, Mrs. Cohen said:
“But the best thing of all is...now I have a boyfriend!”
Mrs. Murphy said:
“Saints be praised, now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it!”
Mrs. Cohen said:
“Well...after lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top and then on the bottom and then we sing Jewish songs. Oy, it's wonderful!”
Mrs. Murphy said:
“For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you, Mrs. Cohen!”
Mrs. Cohen said:
“And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy? You must tell me!”
Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility and that she also had a boyfriend.
Mrs. Cohen said:
“Good for you! So what do you do, you and the new boyfriend?”
Mrs. Murphy smiled and said:
“We go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top and then I let him touch me down below...”
Mrs. Cohen said:
“Yes, and then....?”
Mrs. Murphy said:
“Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we fuck!”

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2011-11-01T21:38:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

WOMAN AND BABY

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman:
“Is he breast fed or on the bottle?”
“Breast fed” – she replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” – the doctor ordered.
She did. While the woman sat silently he pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a long while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said:
“No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk.”
“Naturally,” – she said. “I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.”

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2011-10-31T18:21:00.001+02:00

Category: Old Age Humiliations

SPEED LIMIT

A State Police officer observed a car puttering along the highway at 22 mph. He turned on his lights and pulled the car over. Approaching the vehicle, he noticed that it contained five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said:
“Officer, I don’t understand. I was doing exactly the speed limit. What’s the problem?”
“Ma’am,”– the officer replied, – “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? I’m following the posted speed exactly!”
The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. Embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked him for pointing out her error. Before letting her go, the officer asked:
“Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.”

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2011-10-30T17:46:00.001+02:00

Category: Nouveau Riche

MAGNANIMOUS SOUL

"One afternoon, as Mr. Golddigger, the newfangled millionaire, was fishing in his private lake, the legendary goldfish was snagged on his hook. Mr. Golddigger looked at the fish and as it was too small to be of any use, threw it back into the lake. Before swimming away, the grateful fish peeked out of the water and asked:
“And what about the three wishes?”
Mr. Golddigger hesitated only slightly and then magnanimously uttered:
“All right, you may wish something.”

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2011-10-29T12:15:00.001+02:00

Category: Naughty Jokes

BRIEF ONES

 During the Holiday Season, a man bought his girlfriend a pair of stockings. On one stocking he inscribed “Merry Christmas!”, on the other “Happy New Year!” and on the attached greeting card he wrote: “See you between the two holidays.”
 There is a new pill that cures both impotence and constipation. It will be marketed under the name: “Easy Come, Easy Go.”
 While in London, a Scotsman asked a prostitute who accosted him what her going rate was. On hearing her reply, the stupefied man exclaimed:
“But Baby, I don’t want to buy it, just use it for a while.”

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2011-10-28T17:31:00.001+02:00

Category: Naughty Jokes

QUESTION AND ANSWER

 Question:
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Answer:
“How do you breathe through that thing?

 Question:
“What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?”
Answer:
“A slut screws everyone. A bitch screws everyone but you”

 Question:
“What do a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?”
Answer:
“By the time you're finished with the breasts and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.”

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2011-10-27T18:03:00.001+02:00

Category: Naughty Jokes

OOPS

A guy checked into a hotel on a trip recently and was a bit lonely, so he thought he'd get one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. He grabbed a card on his way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Cleopatra, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair and long graceful legs all the way up to her, well you know the kind.
So he was in his room and figured, what the hell, he'll give her a call.
"Hello?" - the woman said. Ohhhh, she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking about, kinky the whole night long. You name it we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"
She said:
"That sounds fantastic .... but for an outside line you need to press 9."

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2011-10-26T17:42:00.001+02:00

Category: Naugthy Jokes

CROSSWORD-PUZZLE

„What is it: ‘female genital organ, five letters’?”
„Across, or down?”
„Across.”
„Mouth.”

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