Showing posts with label Englishman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Englishman. Show all posts

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Category: Ethnic Stories 

SPORTING

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

“You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me. I have in me Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”
The Englishman said:
“Very sporting of your mother.”

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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Category: Ethnic Stories

THE WRONG BITCH

A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England and then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.

Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.

“Could I please sit in that seat?” - he asked. The lady was insulted.

“You Americans are so rude,” - she said, - “can't you see my dog is sitting there?”

He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.

“Lady, I love dogs - I have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I may sit down,” - he said. The lady replied:

“You Americans are not only rude, you are arrogant.”

He leaned against the wall for a time, but he was so tired that he finally said:

“Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time; could I please sit there and hold your dog?”

The lady replied:

“You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious.”

With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window and sat down. The lady was speechless. An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up:

“Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not, but I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.”

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