Category: Nouveau Riche

HE GAVE ALREADY

At the club everybody was either going on a mountain-climbing holiday, or just returning from one. Goldsmith felt very embarrassed when asked about his mountain-climbing experience (he did not have any) and decided to acquire one as soon as possible. He flew to Switzerland, took the train to Grindelwald, walked to a sporting-gear shop and asked for some mountain-climbing equipment. The seller looked at him dubiously and said:

“Sir, do you think that it is advisable to venture on such a dangerous trip at your age and without previous experience?”

 “If everybody can do it, I can do it too,” - answered Goldsmith

He took the equipment, asked for directions and left. When he did not return that night, the hotel management notified the police. The next morning a helicopter was sent out to search for the missing man. They located him 2,000 meters up on the Eiger, inching his way up on its nearly vertical side. The pilot switched on his powerful loudspeaker and called:

“Mr. Goldsmith, this is the Red Cross.”

But the man was not to be distracted:

“I already gave at the office,” - he shouted back and continued climbing.  

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes REPORT CARD A little girl and the mother were shopping. The girl asked her mother: “How old are you?” Mommy said: “Honey, you'll learn later on in life that women don't talk about their age.” The girl then asked: “Mommy, how much do you weigh?” Mommy said: “That's another thing women don't talk about.”. The girl, still wanting to know about her mother asked: “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?” Mommy said: “Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much and I don't want to talk about it now.” The little girl was frustrated. She told her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend said: “All you have to do is to sneak a look at your mother's driver’s license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything.” The little girl and her mother were shopping again. The girl said: “Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old.” Mommy was very surprised. She asked: “Sweetheart, how did you do that?” The girl shrugged and said: “I just know and I also know that you weigh 120 pounds.” The mother was flabbergasted. She asked: “Where did you learn all that???” The little girl said: “I just know that's all and I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an ' F ' in sex.”

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