Category: Business is Business

IRISH BINGO

A young girl from Donegal left home to find work in the bright lights of London. She came home six months later and stepped out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat.

"Begorrah, Colleen," - said her mother. "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?"

Colleen replied:

"Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London?"

When the weekend was over, Colleen returned to the bright lights, but she was back to visit her mom a few months later. This time, when she stepped out of the taxi, she was wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring.

Same exchange with Mom............same "Won it at bingo!"

Then Colleen returned to the bright lights again. A few months later, she was back again. And this time she was sporting a beautiful emerald diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She handed her mother 1,000 pounds and explained that she won it all in bingo. Then she asked Mom to run her a bath, as she needed to freshen up.

Her Mom drew the bath while Colleen got undressed in her bedroom, but when she got to the washroom, there was only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 1,000 pounds, called downstairs:

"Mom! Sure now didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!"

"Indade there is, me darlin"  - replied her Mom - "but we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card wet now, do we?"

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Category: Ecumenical Stories THE KEY TO HEAVEN

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

“Oh, sister,” - said the young nun dreamily. “I've been saved.”

“Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?” - asked the old nun.

“Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”

“Did he now?” - said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued:

“And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”

“Is that a fact?” - said the old nun even more evenly.

“At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.”

“That wicked old Devil!” said the old nun. “He told me it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years!”

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