Category: Ecumenical Stories

SQUIRRELS

There were five religious institutions in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian church, the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Catholic church and the Jewish synagogue. Each church and synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But the Catholic church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision. They haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

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Category: Ethnic Stories

LOSS OF WEIGHT

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar because, as he announced it, his wife has just produced “a typical Texas baby boy weighing 20 pounds.” Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of “Wow!” were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said:

“Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answered: “Ten pounds.”
The bartender was puzzled, concerned:
“Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth.”
The Texas father took a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and proudly said:
“Had him circumcised.”

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