Category: Women's Lib

HERMAPHRODITE

A woman gave birth to a baby. Afterwards, the doctor came in and said:

“I have to tell you something about your baby.”

The woman sat up in bed and asked:

“What’s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What’s wrong???”

The doctor said:

“Well, now, nothing’s wrong exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”

“A hermaphrodite.... what’s that???”

“Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... both of a male and a female.”

The woman turned pale. She said:

“Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?”

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Category: Indians

MATHEMATICALLY MINDED

In the Mohawk tribe, three pregnant women gave birth on the same day. The one who slept on horsehide gave birth to a boy; the second who slept on buffalo hide gave birth to a girl and the third who slept on a mattress made of hippopotamus hide, had twins. The young chief, who has just majored in math, described the event as follows:

“The squaw of hippopotamus is equal to the sum of squaws of the other two hides.”

   

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Category: Ethnic Stories

LOSS OF WEIGHT

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar because, as he announced it, his wife has just produced “a typical Texas baby boy weighing 20 pounds.” Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of “Wow!” were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said:

“Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answered: “Ten pounds.”
The bartender was puzzled, concerned:
“Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth.”
The Texas father took a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and proudly said:
“Had him circumcised.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

OIL CHANGE

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:

“This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”
He answered: “You have to keep that old motor running.”
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said:
“You really are amazing. How do you do it?”
He again said: “You have to keep the old motor running.”
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said:
“You must be quite a man.”
He responded: “You have to keep that old motor running.”
The nurse then said, “Well, it's high time you changed the oil. This one's black.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

ANATOMIC CONFUSION

A teenage girl came home from school and asked her mother:

“Is it true what Rita just told me?”

“What was that?” – asked her mother.

“That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?” – said her daughter.

“Yes it is dear!” – replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

“But then, when I have a baby,” – responded the teenager, – “won't it knock my teeth out?”

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Category: Nouveau Riche

ONLY THE BEST WILL DO

After several miscarriages, the young tycoon’s wife finally gave birth to a healthy child. The new father was very proud and immediately started looking for the best program to ensure his future heir, his business and his fortune. The first insurance company manager introduced his program called “From Womb to Tomb” and described its various features in glowing colors.

The industry mogul was impressed, but decided to shop around a little more and see what the competition had to offer. Indeed, the competing company’s manager assured him that his company’s program is a much better one, as it takes care of the insured “From Sperm to Worm”

The young magnate was still doubtful. After all it was his child, he was paying and for his money he wanted the very best insurance program available on the market. Finally, it was the third manager who clinched the deal, as his company’s program provided the absolute ultimate in insurance “From Erection to Resurrection”

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Category: Ethnic Jokes IRRESISTIBLE ATTRACTION At the gypsy family the wife was about to give birth. The doctor arrived and as the room was in complete darkness, asked the husband to get some light. The man brought in one of those bicycles equipped with dynamo operated headlights and started pedaling furiously. A few minutes later the child was born and the tired father started to get off his vehicle.

“Don’t pause! Another one is on its way,” - shouted the doctor.

The gypsy started pedaling again until the second child emerged. The man, his tongue lolling, stopped again, but the doctor didn’t let him:

“Go on pedaling, I need the light for the next one!”

And so it went, until after the fourth baby was delivered. The gypsy came to a sudden stop, scratched his head in bewilderment and asked:

“Say Doc, do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations OIL CHANGE

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:

“This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”

He answered: “You have to keep that old motor running.”

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said:

“You really are amazing. How do you do it?”

He again said: “You have to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said:

“You must be quite a man.”

He responded: “You have to keep that old motor running.”

The nurse then said, “Well, it's high time you changed the oil. This one's black.”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Doctors and Patients THE TERMINATOR

Using a model, the medical student was having an exam in childbirth.

“That's enough!” – said suddenly the professor. “Now all you have to do is to bludgeon the father and you'll have succeeded in exterminating the whole family.”

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Category: Indians MATHEMATICALLY MINDED In the Mohawk tribe, three pregnant women gave birth on the same day. The one who slept on horsehide gave birth to a boy; the second who slept on buffalo hide gave birth to a girl and the third who slept on a mattress made of hippopotamus hide, had twins. The young chief, who has just majored in math, described the event as follows: “The squaw of hippopotamus is equal to the sum of squaws of the other two hides.”

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