Category: Doctors and Patients

FOUR-LETTER WORD

A man was recovering from surgery when a nurse asked him how he is feeling:

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,"- he answered.

"What word was it?" - asked the nurse.

"OOPS!" 

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Category: Doctors and Patients
BEHIND THE MASK

A male patient was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appeared to give him a partial sponge bath.  

"Nurse", - he mumbled, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replied:

"I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggled to ask again:

"Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that something might happen to him from worry about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and sheepishly pulled back the covers.  She raised his gown, held his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she took a close look and said:

"There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."

The man pulled off his oxygen mask, smiled at her and said very slowly:

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......  A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

OIL CHANGE

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:

“This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”
He answered: “You have to keep that old motor running.”
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said:
“You really are amazing. How do you do it?”
He again said: “You have to keep the old motor running.”
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said:
“You must be quite a man.”
He responded: “You have to keep that old motor running.”
The nurse then said, “Well, it's high time you changed the oil. This one's black.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories SUFFERING

A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was the Head Nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing.

She asked him good-naturedly:

“Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?”

“Oh, sister,” – chuckled the rabbi, – “I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients

A LITTLE MISUNDERTANDING

Nurse Simpleton was quite dense, but the duty surgeon was so exhausted that after giving the nurse detailed instructions, he thought he could afford to get a little shuteye - until the next emergency. Hardly had his head touched the pillow, or so it seemed, when some awful screaming on the corridor outside his room, brought him to full alert. He opened the door and saw a frightened man, sans pants, running for his life, pursued by Nurse Simpleton, who was carrying a cauldron full of steaming hot water.

Aghast the doctor shouted:

“Come back, Miss Simpleton. What I instructed you to do was, to prick the patient’s boil!”

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Category: Doctors and Patients PLAYING DOCTORS AND NURSES

The doorbell rang at the single parent doctor’s home. At the door was his next-door neighbor. The usually pleasantly disposed woman’s face was now beetle-red and she was screaming:

“This is outrageous! Your son played doctors and nurses with my daughter. The child came home stark naked.”

“But Judy dear, there’s nothing wrong in that. The kid just expressed his natural interest towards the other sex in a playful way.’

“Natural interest my ass! – the mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!”

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Category: Viagra CREATIVE THINKING

A man went to visit his grandpa in hospital.

“How are you grandpa? - he asked.

“Feeling fine,” - said the old man.

“What's the food like?”

“Terrific, wonderful menus.”

“And the nursing?”

“Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”

“No problem at all - nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light.”

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushed off to question the Sister in charge.

“What are you people doing?” - he said. “I'm told you're giving an old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?”

“Oh, yes,” - replied the Sister. “Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”

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Category: Marital Bliss A DIFFERENT TYPE OF ACCIDENT

An injured man was brought to the hospital emergency ward. The nurse entering his personal data into the computer asked:

“Are you married?”

“Yes, but it was a car that hit me.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories SUFFERING A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was the Head Nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly: “Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?” “Oh, sister,” – chuckled the rabbi, – “I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients AT THE HOSPITAL

“Give us a kiss, Nurse!

“I cannot.”

“Just a small one.”

“Impossible.”

“But Nurse, just a tiny, little one.”

“Please understand, I’m already breaking the regulations lying like this under you.”

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