Category: Doctors and Patients
ROOM 302

 

Anyone who has ever been in a hospital, or had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this: A woman called a local hospital:

"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse"

The voice on the other end said:

"What is the patient's name and room number?"

"Sarah Finkel, room 302."

"I'll connect you with the nursing station."

"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"

"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."

The woman said:

"What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"

The nurse said:

"From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member, or a very close friend!"

"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me shit."

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Category: Loonies

SILLY QUESTION

An inmate of the hospital for the mentally ill sat at a table and wrote.

“What are you writing?” – asked a passing attendant.

“A letter.”

“To whom?”

“To myself.”

“And what is in the letter?”

“How am I to know if I haven’t received it yet.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories PLASTIC SURGERY

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. During that experience she saw God and asked him if that was it. God said no and explained that she had another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery, she decided to just stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. She figured that since she’s got another 30 years she might as well make the most of them.

She walked out of the hospital after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. Upon arriving in front of God she complained:

“I thought you said I had another 30 years.

God replied apologetically:

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t recognize you.”

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Category: Loonies FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. Finally he decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he too put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the patient and said:

“I don't hear anything.”

The mental patient said:

“Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories FAMILY MATTER A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by the sight of a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed: “Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine,” - the nun said while patting his hand. “We do have to know, however, how do you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?” “No, I'm not,” - the man whispered hoarsely. “Can you pay in cash?” “I'm afraid I can't, Sister.” “Do you have any close relatives, then?” “Just my sister in New Mexico,” - replied the man, - “but she's a spinster nun.” “Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith,” - the nun replied. “They are married to God.” “Okay,” - the man said with a smile, - “then bill my brother-in-law.”

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Category: Marital Bliss A DIFFERENT TYPE OF ACCIDENT

An injured man was brought to the hospital emergency ward. The nurse entering his personal data into the computer asked:

“Are you married?”

“Yes, but it was a car that hit me.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories SUFFERING A rabbi had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was the Head Nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly: “Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?” “Oh, sister,” – chuckled the rabbi, – “I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients AT THE HOSPITAL

“Give us a kiss, Nurse!

“I cannot.”

“Just a small one.”

“Impossible.”

“But Nurse, just a tiny, little one.”

“Please understand, I’m already breaking the regulations lying like this under you.”

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