Category: Naughty Jokes

PROSTATE EXAM

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test by the National Health Service, a guy decided to have this next test carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.

As he lay naked on his side on the table and the nurse began the examination.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" - said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection," - said the man.

"No, but I have,"

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

STRANDED IN THE DESERT

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed
their situation. A long period of silence follows and then the priest said:

"Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, Father.  In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."

"I agree,"- said the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"

"Anything, Father." 

"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."

"Well, under the circumstances, I don't see that it would do any harm."

The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?”

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

"Father, can I ask something of you?"

"Yes, Sister?"

"I have never seen a man's penis. Can I see yours?"

"I suppose that would be OK,"-  the priest replied lifting his robe.

"Oh Father, may I touch it?"

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling, he was sporting a huge erection.

"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."

"Is that true Father?"

"Yes, it is, Sister."

"Oh Father, that's wonderful! Stick it in the camel and let's get out of here."

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Category: Doctors and Patients

TURNING ADVERSITY INTO GAIN

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with. The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The man agreed and began by saying:
“This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?”
The pharmacist said:
“Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said:
“We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car and $3000 a month living expenses”.

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Category: Naughty Jokes

SWEET REVENGE

A married guy was out getting laid, when he suffered a massive heart attack and died. The undertaker called his wife as he was preparing the body, saying:

“Your late husband died with a tremendous erection that we can't get to go away. What would you like us to do?”

To which she replied:

“Cut it off and stuff it in his ass.”

When she went to view the body, she noticed a somewhat pained expression on her deceased husband's face as he lay in the casket. Bending over him, she said softly:

“Hurts, doesn't it?”

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Category: Nouveau Riche

ONLY THE BEST WILL DO

After several miscarriages, the young tycoon’s wife finally gave birth to a healthy child. The new father was very proud and immediately started looking for the best program to ensure his future heir, his business and his fortune. The first insurance company manager introduced his program called “From Womb to Tomb” and described its various features in glowing colors.

The industry mogul was impressed, but decided to shop around a little more and see what the competition had to offer. Indeed, the competing company’s manager assured him that his company’s program is a much better one, as it takes care of the insured “From Sperm to Worm”

The young magnate was still doubtful. After all it was his child, he was paying and for his money he wanted the very best insurance program available on the market. Finally, it was the third manager who clinched the deal, as his company’s program provided the absolute ultimate in insurance “From Erection to Resurrection”

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Category: Naughty Jokes SWEET REVENGE

A married guy was out getting laid, when he suffered a massive heart attack and died. The undertaker called his wife as he was preparing the body, saying:

“Your late husband died with a tremendous erection that we can't get to go away. What would you like us to do?”

To which she replied:

“Cut it off and stuff it in his ass.”

When she went to view the body, she noticed a somewhat pained expression on her deceased husband's face as he lay in the casket. Bending over him, she said softly:

“Hurts, doesn't it?”

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