Category: Women's Lib

HERMAPHRODITE

A woman gave birth to a baby. Afterwards, the doctor came in and said:

“I have to tell you something about your baby.”

The woman sat up in bed and asked:

“What’s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What’s wrong???”

The doctor said:

“Well, now, nothing’s wrong exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”

“A hermaphrodite.... what’s that???”

“Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... both of a male and a female.”

The woman turned pale. She said:

“Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?”

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Category: Simpletons

STATISTICS

A Kentucky couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed." The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision--why after nine children, would they choose to do this.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article, that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

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Category: Business is Business

NIPPLES

A fellow was taking a tour of a factory that produced various latex products. At the first stop, he was shown the machine that manufactured baby-bottle nipples. The machine made a loud hiss-pop noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mould,” – explained the guide. “The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
Later, the tour reached the part of the factory where condoms were manufactured. The machine made a noise:
“Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!”
“Wait a minute!” – said the man taking the tour. “I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what is that 'pop!' every so often?”
“Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” – said the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”
“Well, that can't be good for the condoms!”
“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business”.

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Category: Airline Stories

ON-TIME DEPARTURE

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said:
“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant:
“If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The flight attendant asked:
“Did your mother tell you to ask me?”
He said:
“Yes”
So she said:
“Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

ANATOMIC CONFUSION

A teenage girl came home from school and asked her mother:

“Is it true what Rita just told me?”

“What was that?” – asked her mother.

“That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?” – said her daughter.

“Yes it is dear!” – replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

“But then, when I have a baby,” – responded the teenager, – “won't it knock my teeth out?”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

SO FAR...

Mr. and Mrs. Brown listened with an apologetic smile to their 6-year old son’s story, about how he played doctor with their neighbor’s daughter, 7-year old Monica.

“We want to marry,” - declared Lance decisively.

“That’s nice,” - said the father, - “but shouldn’t you wait for a while? After all, you are so young. And anyway, how are going to pay the bills?”

“Oh, we discussed that, “ - answered Lance. “We shall pool our pocket money and in winter clear away the snow for the neighbors. We will manage very nicely.”

“And what will you do when you have a baby?” - asked Mrs. Brown.

Lance raised his eyes to his mother:

“So far we've been lucky!”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations WOMAN AND BABY

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman:

“Is he breast fed or on the bottle?”

“Breast fed” – she replied.

“Well, strip down to your waist,” – the doctor ordered.

She did. While the woman sat silently he pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a long while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said:

“No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk.”

“Naturally,” – she said. “I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.”

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Category: On The Farm THE IDIOT The seasonal laborer’s old jalopy broke down in the middle of nowhere, just as night was falling. Luckily enough, he saw a small house on top of one of the distant hills, but it was pitch dark when he reached it. He knocked repeatedly and when at last a sleepy-eyed man opened the door, the laborer told him of his car-trouble and asked if he could stay overnight. “We will gladly have you,” - answered the farmer, - “but ours is a small house and we only have two rooms. I sleep with my wife in one room, so you can either sleep in the other room with our baby, or in the stable. There is some fresh hay in there, so it will be soft and smell good.” The traveler was tired and did not want risk sleeping with a baby, whose crying would keep him awake most of the night, so he chose the stable. In the morning, after a wonderfully restful night, he was washing up at the well, when a beautiful, young maiden emerged from the house. “Who are you?” - asked the stranger. “I am Baby,” - answered the girl. “And who might you be?” “I am an idiot.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes SO FAR

Mr. and Mrs. Brown listened with an apologetic smile to their 6-year old son’s story, about how he played doctor with their neighbor’s daughter, 7-year old Monica.

“We want to marry,” - declared Lance decisively.

“That’s nice,” - said the father, - “but shouldn’t you wait for a while? After all, you are so young. And anyway, how are going to pay the bills?”

“Oh, we discussed that, “ - answered Lance. “We shall pool our pocket money and in winter clear away the snow for the neighbors. We will manage very nicely.”

“And what will you do when you have a baby?” - asked Mrs. Brown.

Lance raised his eyes to his mother:

“So far we've been lucky!”

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