Category: Genies, Jinns & Fairies

ALWAYS ON THE CALL

Remember the DDR, the East German Republic? And remember Erich Honneker, the greatly hated leader of this now defunct state? He played an important part in many a joke, recounted with relish, in those not-so-long-ago days in Eastern Europe. 

Shortly before retiring for the night, Brezhnev was having a few drinks of vodka, when suddenly a genie appeared at his bedside. Before the astonished Communist leader could summon his guards, the apparition declared:

“Do not fear mortal! I am here to fulfill three of your wishes.”

Brezhnev did not really believe in spirits, but played along and to test the apparition’s credibility, wished that his bed would turn into a waterbed. Even before he finished speaking, his heavy body was immersed in the soft contours of the latest in waterbed models from California. His second wish was to convert his Kremlin bedroom, into an American-style suite. No sooner was his wish uttered, than it became a reality and he found himself in a luxurious, air conditioned apartment, complete with a well-equipped bar, TV wall, stereo, exercise-bicycle, etc. Brezhnev did not have to think long. His last wish was to have a nubile, voluptuous maiden at his side on the bed. As he saw the curvaceous form, languorously reclining on the pillow next to him, he could not help himself, but sighing out loudly:

“Now all I need is a good schmuck!”

Just as he finished his words, a knock sounded and Erich Honneker appeared at the door:

“Did you call, Boss?”

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Category: On the Farm

THE IDIOT

The seasonal laborer’s old jalopy broke down in the middle of nowhere, just as night was falling. Luckily enough, he saw a small house on top of one of the distant hills, but it was pitch dark when he reached it. He knocked repeatedly and when at last a sleepy-eyed man opened the door, the laborer told him of his car-trouble and asked if he could stay overnight.

“We will gladly have you,” - answered the farmer, - “but ours is a small house and we only have two rooms. I sleep with my wife in one room, so you can either sleep in the other room with our baby, or in the stable. There is some fresh hay in there, so it will be soft and smell good.”

The traveler was tired and did not want risk sleeping with a baby, whose crying would keep him awake most of the night, so he chose the stable. In the morning, after a wonderfully restful night, he was washing up at the well, when a beautiful, young maiden emerged from the house.

“Who are you?” - asked the stranger.

“I am Baby,” - answered the girl. “And who might you be?”

“I am an idiot.”

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Category: Boys and Girls

SON-IN-LAW

The hapless maiden did not have a boyfriend, so she bought herself a vibrator. She was just putting it through its paces, when her father walked in on her.

“And what is my baby-girl doing?” - asked the doting father.

“You know Daddy that I don’t have a lover, so I’m pleasing myself with this little gadget.”

The old man muttered, but knew well how strong desire can be and left wordlessly. The next day the girl came home from work and saw her father sitting in the kitchen, with two bottles of beer and the vibrator on the table before him. 

“Dad, what are you doing?”

“Just having a beer with my son-in-law.” 

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Category: Ethnic Stories

SCOTTISH ROMANCE

A Scotsman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there for a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Scotsman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Scotsman took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Scotsman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Scotsman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously and whispered in her ear...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

MODERN TIMES

Two priests discussed the wickedness of the young generation:

“I did not sleep with my wife before our marriage?” – said one. “How about you?”

“I don’t know. What was her maiden name?”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD

Two lice met.

“What happened to you?” - asked the first when he saw how terrible his friend looked - runny nose, red eyes and teeth chattering.

“I got a ride down here in some motorcyclist’s mustache and nearly froze my nuts off.”

“You must be crazy to nest in a motorcyclist’s mustache. Why don’t you find yourself a warm cozy place, like between the thighs of young girl.”

After a week, the two lice met again. The other one looked even more chilled and miserable than during their first meeting.

“I did everything you said,” - he explained. “I made a perfect landing between the thighs of a young maiden and got so warm and cozy that I dozed off.”

“And so?” - asked the first lice.

“And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again!”

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Category: On The Farm THE IDIOT The seasonal laborer’s old jalopy broke down in the middle of nowhere, just as night was falling. Luckily enough, he saw a small house on top of one of the distant hills, but it was pitch dark when he reached it. He knocked repeatedly and when at last a sleepy-eyed man opened the door, the laborer told him of his car-trouble and asked if he could stay overnight. “We will gladly have you,” - answered the farmer, - “but ours is a small house and we only have two rooms. I sleep with my wife in one room, so you can either sleep in the other room with our baby, or in the stable. There is some fresh hay in there, so it will be soft and smell good.” The traveler was tired and did not want risk sleeping with a baby, whose crying would keep him awake most of the night, so he chose the stable. In the morning, after a wonderfully restful night, he was washing up at the well, when a beautiful, young maiden emerged from the house. “Who are you?” - asked the stranger. “I am Baby,” - answered the girl. “And who might you be?” “I am an idiot.”

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