Category: Naughty Jokes

FANNY GREEN

An Irish man went to confession at St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

“Father”, - he confessed,“ it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.”

The priest told the sinner:

“You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.”

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional.

“Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.”

This time, the priest questioned:

“Who is this Fanny Green?”

“A new woman in the neighborhood,” - the sinner replied.

“Very well,” - sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.”

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous, redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered:

“Is that Fanny Green?”

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply:

“No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes”.

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Category: Genies, Jinns & Fairies

ALWAYS ON THE CALL

Remember the DDR, the East German Republic? And remember Erich Honneker, the greatly hated leader of this now defunct state? He played an important part in many a joke, recounted with relish, in those not-so-long-ago days in Eastern Europe. 

Shortly before retiring for the night, Brezhnev was having a few drinks of vodka, when suddenly a genie appeared at his bedside. Before the astonished Communist leader could summon his guards, the apparition declared:

“Do not fear mortal! I am here to fulfill three of your wishes.”

Brezhnev did not really believe in spirits, but played along and to test the apparition’s credibility, wished that his bed would turn into a waterbed. Even before he finished speaking, his heavy body was immersed in the soft contours of the latest in waterbed models from California. His second wish was to convert his Kremlin bedroom, into an American-style suite. No sooner was his wish uttered, than it became a reality and he found himself in a luxurious, air conditioned apartment, complete with a well-equipped bar, TV wall, stereo, exercise-bicycle, etc. Brezhnev did not have to think long. His last wish was to have a nubile, voluptuous maiden at his side on the bed. As he saw the curvaceous form, languorously reclining on the pillow next to him, he could not help himself, but sighing out loudly:

“Now all I need is a good schmuck!”

Just as he finished his words, a knock sounded and Erich Honneker appeared at the door:

“Did you call, Boss?”

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Category: Out of Africa THIRD WORLD ENCOUNTER

A boy and his father, visiting from a third world country were at a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father:

“What is this, Father?”

The father responded:

“Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and out stepped a voluptuous 24-year old woman. The father said to his son:

“Go get your mother.”

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