Category: Naughty Jokes

FANNY GREEN

An Irish man went to confession at St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

“Father”, - he confessed,“ it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.”

The priest told the sinner:

“You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.”

Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional.

“Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.”

This time, the priest questioned:

“Who is this Fanny Green?”

“A new woman in the neighborhood,” - the sinner replied.

“Very well,” - sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.”

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous, redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered:

“Is that Fanny Green?”

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply:

“No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes”.

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Category: Technology/Computers
SEDUCTION SCENE

Another, sport-slanted, variation of the delightful little story published yesterday:

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, saw an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” - he thought to himself. As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf came this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approached the stunned guy and asked:

“How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!” - he said.

She reached over, unzipped a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulled out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He took one, lighted it and after taking a long drag and sighed:

“Man, oh man! Is that ever good!”

She then asked him:

“How long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?”

Trembling, he replied:

“Ten years!”

She unzipped the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulled out a flask and gave it to him. The man opened the flask, took a long swig and said:

“Wow, that’s absolutely fantastic!”

The woman then started slowly unzipping the long zipper that ran down the front of her wet suit, looked at him seductively and asked:

“And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

The guy, with tears in his eyes, replied:

“Oh sweet Lord God! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

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