A very shy guy went into a bar and saw beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally went over to her and asked tentatively:“Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”She responded by yelling, at the top of her lungs:“No, I won't sleep with you tonight!”Everyone in the bar was now staring at them. Naturally, the guy was hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slunk back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walked over to him and apologized. She smiled at him and said:“I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”To which he responded, at the top of his lungs:“What do you mean $200?”
A husband and wife played golf at a posh golf club. Stately homes were lined up on both sides of the golf course. It was the wife’s turn, she hit the ball and with a spectacular arch it landed directly in the enormous picture window of the nearby mansion. A loud crash ensued; the glass broke into a million pieces and then quiet resumed. The couple ran over to the house, called through the broken window, but nobody answered. They looked into the room and saw a turbaned man sitting on a couch.“Do you live here?” - asked the wife.“Oh no. Just now somebody threw a stone, which broke that vase yonder and I was finally freed.”“So you are a jinn?”“Yes and to show you how grateful I am for releasing me, I’ll fulfill two of your wishes. I would like to keep the third wish for myself.”After a whispered consultation the couple asked first that the husband would become the world’s best professional golf-player and secondly that they would have a million dollar yearly income. The jinn nodded and said:“Consider it done,” - then turned to the husband - “and as for my wish, I want to sleep with your wife. I wasn’t with a woman for a thousand years and after all I just turned you into the best golfer of the world and a millionaire.”The couple saw reason in the jinn’s arguments and agreed. The two retired into one of the bedrooms and when all was over, the jinn asked:“My dear, how long have you been married?”“For three years.”“And since when do you believe in jinn tales?”
COMPARATIVE DIAGNOSTICS
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see a doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him:
“Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't have to ask my patients all these questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking at them.”
And then she smugly added:
“Why can't you?”
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said:
“There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to put you to sleep.”
REST AREA
Arriving home unexpectedly early from a business trip, the tired executive was shocked to discover his wife in bed with his next-door neighbor.
“Since you are in bed with my wife,” – the furious man shouted, – “I'm going over and sleep with yours!”
“Go right ahead,” – was the reply. “The rest will do you good.”
They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant. The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off, the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable. As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat. She scanned the menu yet again, and said:
“To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass, plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips. For dessert, they may just bring the cart.”
Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite, but also by the cost of all of this, he asked:
“Tell me. Do you eat this well at home too?”
“Well, no,” – she admitted, – “but no one at home wants to sleep with me.”
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“Doctor, my husband has a fixed idea that he is a lamp.”
“That is really a harmless eccentricity.”
‘Yes, but I cannot sleep when the light is on.”
