Category: Political Jokes

PREFERENCES

So this Jewish boy came home and told his mother he is going to get married. His mother asked what her name was.

“Monica Lewinsky” – the son said..

The mother then said:

“And what happened to that nice black girl you were dating?”

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Category: Airline Stories

PECKING ORDER

A white, Chinese and a black woman were seated on adjacent seats on an airplane. All of a sudden a frantic voice announced over the passenger address system that the plane was going to crash. Immediately the white woman pulled out her make-up and started primping. The other two asked her what she was doing. She replied:

“After a crash they always look for the beautiful people first.”

The Chinese women opened her purse and started putting on all of her jewelry. When the other two asked her what she was doing, she answered:

“After a crash they always look for the rich people first.”

At that the black women started taking off her pants and of course the other two women asked her what she was doing. She said:

“I don't know where you all get your info, but they always search for the black box first!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

ART

At an art exhibition, a couple was viewing a painting of three VERY naked, VERY black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a VERY PINK penis. While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out, the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion.

“Can I help you with this painting?” - he asked.

“Well, yes,” - said the gentleman. “We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?”

“Oh” - said the artist. “I'm afraid you've misinterpreted the painting. The three men are not Africans, they're coal miners and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch!!!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

PORNO MOVIE

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor was asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband” - she replied.

“O.K. do you have a boyfriend?” - asked the midwife.

“No, no boyfriend either. I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own.”

After the birth the midwife again spoke to the young woman.

“You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black”

“Well,” - replied the girl, - “I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The lead man was black.”

“Oh, I'm very sorry,” - said the midwife, - “that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.”

“Well yes,” - the girl again replied, - “you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” - the midwife repeated, - “that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.”

“Well yes,” - continued the girl, - “I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.”

At this the midwife again apologized, collected the baby and presented her to the girl, who immediately proceeded to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby started crying and the mother exclaimed:

“Thank God for that!”

“What do you mean?” - asked the midwife.

“Well,” - said the girl extremely relieved, - “I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

THE NATURE OF GOD

A nine-year old boy went up to his mother and asked:

“Is God male or female?”

After thinking a moment, his mother responded:

“Well, God is both male and female.”

This confused the little boy, so he asked:

“Is God black or white?”

“Well, God is both black and white.”

This confused the boy even more, so he asked:

“Is God gay or straight?”

Now it was the mother who was getting concerned, but she answered anyway:

“Honey, God is both gay and straight.”

At this, the boy's face lighted up with understanding and he triumphantly asked:

“Is God Michael Jackson?”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

COLOR CODING

At a wedding a child asks his mother:

“Mummy why is that woman in a white dress?”

“The bride is wearing a white dress, because this is the happiest day of her life and white is the color of happiness.”

The child reflects for a while on his mother’s answer and then asks again:

“Then why is the bridegroom in black?”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

NO DISCRIMINATION

On the school bus the white and black children were constantly fighting among themselves.

“Enough of that!” - shouted the exasperated teacher. He had the driver stop the bus, told the children to get out and form a line at the roadside.

“From now on,” - announced the teacher - “there will be no whites and blacks. From now on everybody will be blue. Understood? All right, get on the bus, presto, first the bright-blues and then the dark-blues.

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Category: Ethnic Stories

DEVOLUTION

A scientist invented the invention of the century: A machine for raising IQ’s. The treatment was simple enough. An electrode was attached to each of the patient’s temples; the machine was switched on and after 15 minutes, the subject’s IQ increased by about 20%. The news of the invention got around, as everyone wanted to become more intelligent and soon lines were forming outside the scientist’s lab.

Long hours and the tediousness of the process took their toll and one day, just as he was attaching the electrodes to a black man’s temples; the scientist was called away for an urgent phone-call. In his hurry, he attached the electrodes in reverse, so that instead of raising the IQ, they lowered it. Just as he finished his phone-conversation, he realized his mistake, hurried back to the treatment-room, removed the electrodes and anxiously inquired of his patient:

“How you are, Sir?”

“Dobrze” (good in Polish) - answered the black man.

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Category: Ethnic Stories

THE INFALLIBLE GENERAL

You probably know this anecdote, but I just love to hear it and retell it, because - for me - it symbolizes a small victory against bigotry all over the world. So here you are:

The southern socialite was sending out invitations for a party that she was about to give, when she discovered that she was short of a few gentlemen. Struck by a sudden idea, she phoned the local Air Force base and asked its commander to reinforce her party with half-a-dozen young, presentable officers. As an afterthought, she added:

“And do me a favor, send no Jews, please!”

At the appointed hour, the doorbell rang and when the hostess opened the door, there on the porch stood six handsome, tall, black officers in their dress uniforms.

“But surely this must be a mistake,” - stammered the stricken mistress of the house.

“I do not think there is any mistake, Madam” - answered the senior officer. “General Cohen is never wrong.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

DISTINCT ADVANTAGE

Bob and Gideon, his black colleague, bought houses in the same upwardly mobile neighborhood. At the housewarming party, Bob toasted his neighbor:

“It seems that we made a good investment.”

“Sure, Bob, but if you must know, my house is worth $30,000 more than yours.”

“How can that be,” - wondered Bob, - “after all our houses are completely identical.”

“Yes, but I don’t have a black neighbor.”

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Category: Political Jokes PREFERENCES

So this Jewish boy came home and told his mother he is going to get married. His mother asked what her name was.

“Monica Lewinsky” – the son said..

The mother then said:

“And what happened to that nice black girl you were dating?”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Old Age Humiliations OIL CHANGE

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:

“This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”

He answered: “You have to keep that old motor running.”

The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said:

“You really are amazing. How do you do it?”

He again said: “You have to keep the old motor running.”

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said:

“You must be quite a man.”

He responded: “You have to keep that old motor running.”

The nurse then said, “Well, it's high time you changed the oil. This one's black.”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: From The Mouths Of Babes THE NATURE OF GOD

A nine-year old boy went up to his mother and asked:

“Is God male or female?”

After thinking a moment, his mother responded:

“Well, God is both male and female.”

This confused the little boy, so he asked:

“Is God black or white?”

“Well, God is both black and white.”

This confused the boy even more, so he asked:

“Is God gay or straight?”

Now it was the mother who was getting concerned, but she answered anyway:

“Honey, God is both gay and straight.”

At this, the boy's face lighted up with understanding and he triumphantly asked:

“Is God Michael Jackson?”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Ethnic Stories DISTINCT ADVANTAGE

Bob and Gideon, his black colleague, bought houses in the same upwardly mobile neighborhood. At the housewarming party, Bob toasted his neighbor:

“It seems that we made a good investment.”

“Sure, Bob, but if you must know, my house is worth $30,000 more than yours.”

“How can that be,” - wondered Bob, - “after all our houses are completely identical.”

“Yes, but I don’t have a black neighbor.”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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