Category: Naughty Jokes

MERLOT

In the restaurant the waiter took a bottle of Merlot to a woman dining alone at a table and said:

"This is from the gentleman seated over there," - indicating the sender.

The woman regarded the wine coolly for a second without looking over at the man, and decided to send a reply note. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:

"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read:

"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage and there is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. However, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."  

Custom Search

Category: Blondes

A GOOD START

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally, his curiosity got the best of him, so he walked over and asked:

"How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looked him over and replied:

"Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

Custom Search

Category: Airline Stories

PECKING ORDER

A white, Chinese and a black woman were seated on adjacent seats on an airplane. All of a sudden a frantic voice announced over the passenger address system that the plane was going to crash. Immediately the white woman pulled out her make-up and started primping. The other two asked her what she was doing. She replied:

“After a crash they always look for the beautiful people first.”

The Chinese women opened her purse and started putting on all of her jewelry. When the other two asked her what she was doing, she answered:

“After a crash they always look for the rich people first.”

At that the black women started taking off her pants and of course the other two women asked her what she was doing. She said:

“I don't know where you all get your info, but they always search for the black box first!”

Custom Search

Category: Ecumenical Stories

FATHER

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said:
"I am a Father."
The little boy replied:
"My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered:
"I am the Father of many."
The boy said:
"My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said:
"I am the Father of hundreds" - and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said:
"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

HE SAID - SHE SAID

Priest said: “I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.”
She said: “Who's gonna look?”


He said: “Let's go out and have some fun tonight.”
She said: “Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.”


He said: “Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?”
She said: “I would, but you said not to call you at work.”


He said: “I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.”
She said: “You wear pants don't you?”


He said: “.Shall we try swapping positions tonight?”
She said: “That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.”

Custom Search

Category: Airline Stories PECKING ORDER

A white, Chinese and a black woman were seated on adjacent seats on an airplane. All of a sudden a frantic voice announced over the passenger address system that the plane was going to crash. Immediately the white woman pulled out her make-up and started primping. The other two asked her what she was doing. She replied:

“After a crash they always look for the beautiful people first.”

The Chinese women opened her purse and started putting on all of her jewelry. When the other two asked her what she was doing, she answered:

“After a crash they always look for the rich people first.”

At that the black women started taking off her pants and of course the other two women asked her what she was doing. She said:

“I don't know where you all get your info, but they always search for the black box first!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

Custom Search