Category: Straight from the Hip

PARTLY USED

A divorced man met his ex-wife's new husband at a party. After knocking back a few drinks, he went over to the new guy and asked him:

"So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"

To which the new husband replied:

"It isn't that bad. Past the first 2 inches, it's all brand new."

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Category: Naughty Jokes

MERLOT

In the restaurant the waiter took a bottle of Merlot to a woman dining alone at a table and said:

"This is from the gentleman seated over there," - indicating the sender.

The woman regarded the wine coolly for a second without looking over at the man, and decided to send a reply note. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:

"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman. It read:

"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage and there is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. However, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."  

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Category: Naughty Jokes

ROYALTY

The husband was looking at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Wistfully he said:

“If it was twelve inches longer, I would be a King!”

Overhearing him, his wife retorted:

“Yeah, but if it was twelve inches shorter, you would be a queen!”

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Category: Straight from the Hip PARTLY USED

A divorced man met his ex-wife's new husband at a party. After knocking back a few drinks, he went over to the new guy and asked him:

"So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"

To which the new husband replied:

"It isn't that bad. Past the first 2 inches, it's all brand new."

Custom Search