Category: Lawyers

VERY FAIR

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," - the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," - the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

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Category: At the Court-of-Law

GOURMET

A forest ranger caught a man sitting at a campfire and eating a bald eagle. The man was consequently brought before a court of law. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”
Man: “Yes I do. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened.”
Judge: “Proceed.”
Man: “I got lost in the woods, hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks and I was literally starving. Next thing I saw a bald eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I thought that if I followed it I could maybe steal the fish. The eagle lighted upon a tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the bird hoping it would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off and the rock hit the eagle squarely on its poor little head and killed it. I thought about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it, I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful than to let it rot on the ground.”
Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.”
15 minutes went by and the judge returned.
Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstances you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.”
The Judge then leaned over the bench and whispered:
“If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?”
Man: “Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is somewhere between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl.”

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Category: At the Court-of-Law LOGICAL ASSUMPTION

Every night, at the end of the performance, the actor had a few drinks with his friends and stayed with them at the artists' café, till the wee hours of the night. Then he slept in until noon and got up just in time for lunch. One day, he was required to testify in a traffic case and was ordered by the judge to show up at court at 8 o’clock in the morning, or face jail and a fine. He got up with difficulty, revived himself with a few cups of black coffee, washed, got dressed and finally managed to step out to the street. To his surprise, it was full of hurrying people and on the road, there was rush-hour traffic. The actor exclaimed:

“So many people are testifying at court today?”

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Category: Ethnic Stories A HARDENED CRIMINAL

A Ukrainian accused of murder and armed robbery was brought before an investigating judge. As he didn’t speak English, the court appointed an interpreter for him. A transcript from the investigation:

Judge: “Do you confess to murdering the victim?”

Interpreter: (in Ukrainian) “Do you confess to murdering the victim?”

Accused: “Yes, I do.”

Interpreter: “Yes, I do.”

Judge: “And where did you hide the loot?”

Interpreter: “And where did you hide the loot?”

Accused: “That is my secret.”

Interpreter: “That is my secret.”

Judge: “I must warn you, that the maximum penalty for murder is death and unless you fully confess, the court can show you no leniency.”

Interpreter: “I must warn you, that the maximum penalty for murder is death and unless you fully confess, the court can show you no leniency.”

Accused: “I buried it in the church yard.”

Interpreter: “I prefer to die.”

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