Category: Army Stories

THE SERGEANT MAJOR

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”

“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”  

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said:

 “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”  

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said:

“You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”  

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said:

“You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

“1955, ma’am.”

“Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! "

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.  Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said:

 “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!”

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice:

“I hope not, it’s only 2130 now.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

MARS MAID

The first astronaut to land on Mars encountered a native girl there. She was built somewhat differently, but was distinctly female and beautiful by any standard. The girl was busy in front of a steaming cauldron, adding various ingredients to its contents and steering furiously.

After a while the astronaut said:

“Excuse me, I just arrived from Earth. Can you tell me what you are doing?”

“Is it not obvious?” - replied the Martian girl. “I am making a child. I must be careful to mix well the components supplied by my three husbands, two co-wives and me and if the temperature and other conditions are perfect, out comes a healthy little Mars-child. Is this not the way children are made on Earth?

“No, positively no,” - answered the Earthman.

“Tell me then, how do you make children?”

“I cannot explain, but I can show you.”

Indeed, he showed her and the girl seemed to have enjoyed it. She said so too:

“I must say that your way of producing a child is quite enjoyable, but what I don’t understand is where is the product of our labors, the child?”

“Oh, that,” - shrugged the Earthman. “The child is only born after nine months.”

“Then why did you stop mixing?”

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