Category: Ecumenical Stories

HEAVEN

A woman died and went to heaven. While waiting in line, she heard this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbed her somewhat, so she tracked down St. Peter to find out what is going on.
"Oh that" – he said, – "that's just the woman in front of you. They are drilling holes in her back to attach her wings."
The woman was still a bit upset by this and was pondering her position when the screaming started again. This time it was louder and more blood curdling than before. She called St. Peter again to find out what is happening to the woman now.
"Oh that" – he said, – "they're just drilling holes in her head to attach the halo."
The woman decided that she wants out and told St. Peter that she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell.
"Are you sure you want to go there?" – he said. "It's a terrible place, you'll end up getting sodomized and raped and even worse."
"That's okay" – said the woman. "I already have the holes for that."

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Category: Ecumenical Stories GIVING IT UP

A golfer was in a competitive match with a friend, who was ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer thought to himself:

“I'd give anything to sink this next putt.”

A stranger walked up to him and whispered

“Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?”

The golfer thought the man was crazy and that his answer would be meaningless, but also that perhaps this was a good omen and it will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and said:

“OK.” – and sunk the putt. Two holes later he mumbled to himself:

“Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.”

The same stranger moved to his side and said:

“Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?”

The golfer shrugged his shoulders and said:

“Sure.”

And he made an eagle. Down to the final hole. The golfer needed yet another eagle to win.

Though he said nothing, the stranger moved to his side and said:

“Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?”

The golfer said:

“Certainly.”

And he made the eagle. As the golfer walked to the club house, the stranger walked alongside and said:

“You know, I've not really been fair with you, because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life.”

“Nice to meet you,” – says the golfer. “My name is Father O'Malley and I'm a Catholic priest.”

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