Category: Ethnic Stories

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

In the old Russia they used to abduct young Jewish boys and forcibly conscript them into the Army. Many of these boys were never heard of again although some managed - after a few years - to return to their families. One of the boys, who completely lost contact with his family, eventually became a general and one day, when the Army held maneuvers near his birthplace, decided to see if any of his folks were still around. There was a lot of excitement in the town. After all, it was not everyday that a Jewish boy from a small village became a general and paid a visit in town. A big dinner was held in his honor with the general seated at the head of the table, next to the rabbi. The poor man was at a loss for words with such an important person and in the end started with the subject closest to him, religion.

“Tell me, Your Excellency, in your years in the Army, did you manage to remain a Jew?”

“I tried my best,” – answered the soldier.

The rabbi pressed on:

“Did you observe the holy Sabbath?”

“How could I? The enemy does not observe the Jewish holidays and when he attacks, we too must make our move, Sabbath, or not.”

“But did you eat kosher food?”

“Sometimes I was happy to get any food at all and besides, where would I have obtained kosher food?”

The rabbi was getting desperate:

“But did you at least say your prayers regularly?”

The general was ready with his reply:

“In your opinion, how would it look for an Imperial Army officer to be seen wearing a prayer shawl and phylacteries?”

The exasperated minister was at his wit’s end:

“But Your Excellency, pray tell me, what is it, that is still Jewish in you?”

“I am still afraid of dogs,” – answered the veteran soldier

Custom Search

Category: Ethnic Stories

LIKE EVERY GOOD JEWISH BOY

While leading the Friday evening services, the rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The rabbi, horrified, asked the cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie.

Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?”

Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.”

“Oh, come on,” - said the rabbi.

“YES!” - said Bernie.

Rabbi: “I don't believe you. You are just fooling around. That's not a proper thing to do in the temple.”

Bernie: “Its true!”

“OK,” - said the rabbi (thinking he would call Bernie's bluff), - “then show me what the dog can do.”

“OK,” - said Bernie nodding to the dog. The dog proceeded to open up the barrel under his neck, removed a yarmulke, a tallith* and prayer book and actually started saying prayers in Hebrew! The rabbi was so shocked he listened for a full 15 minutes. When he regained his composure, he was so impressed with the quality of the praying that he said to Bernie:

“Do you think your dog would consider going to rabbinical school?”

Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust, said:

“YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!”

* A shawl with ritually knotted fringe at each of four corners, worn by Jews at Morning Prayer.

Custom Search