Category: At work

GOOD REFLEXES

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager:

"Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce" - as he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added - "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy:

"I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," - the boy replied.

"Why did you leave New Zealand?" - the manager asked.

The boy said:

 "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."

"Is that right?" - replied the manager," - my wife is from New Zealand!"

"Really?" -  replied the boy," - who'd she play for?"

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

YARD SALE

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip I passed the same Nursing Home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.
"Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"
"Yes," - he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale.

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