Showing posts with label speeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label speeding. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Category: Doctors and Patients

  THE DRUGGIST
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained:
“It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him:
“Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.”
“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”
He continued:
“Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”
“Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing with no let up and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”
“And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”

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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Category: Marital Bliss

FAMILIAR WITH THE TYPE

An elderly couple was driving cross-country and the woman was driving. She got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said:

“Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?”

The woman turned to her husband and asked:

“What did he say?”

The old man yelled:

“HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”

The patrolman said:

“May I see your license?”

The woman turned to her husband and asked:

“What did he say?”

The old man yelled:

“HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.”

The woman gave him her license.

The patrolman said:

“I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex I have ever had.”

The woman turned to her husband and asked:

“What did he say?”

“HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU,” – the old man yelled.

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Saturday, February 05, 2011

Category: Marital Bliss

FITTING PUNISHMENT

A man and his wife were on their way to visit some friends. The woman kept pestering her husband about his driving and warned him that the highway police will stop them. Just as she finished speaking, their car was flagged down by a policeman, who asked for the man’s driver’s license.

“What did I do?” - queried the man.

“You were speeding,” - replied the policeman.

“You see!” - interjected the woman. “How many times do I have to tell you to drive more slowly?”

Without another word, the policeman returned the driver’s papers and waved them on their way.

“Are you letting me go without a fine?” - asked the man incredulously.

“I think that you have been punished enough, my friend,” - said the policeman graciously.

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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Category: Marital Bliss

FAMILIAR WITH THE TYPE

An elderly couple was driving cross-country and the woman was driving. She got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said:

“Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?”

The woman turned to her husband and asked:

“What did he say?”

The old man yelled:

“HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”

The patrolman said:

“May I see your license?”

The woman turned to her husband and asked:

“What did he say?”

The old man yelled:

“HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.”

The woman gave him her license.

The patrolman said:

“I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex I have ever had.”

The woman turned to her husband and asked:

“What did he say?”

“HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU,” – the old man yelled.

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Category: Old Age Humiliations GOOD EXCUSE A 87 year old woman convinced the traffic cop not to give her a ticket for speeding, by claiming: "I was in a hurry to get there, before I forget where I'm going." Add to Technorati Favorites GoLedy.com
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