Category: Airlines

CUSTOMER RELATIONS

The passengers on the transatlantic flight had just finished their meal and were comfortably relaxed, when the loudspeakers suddenly came on:

“This is the captain speaking. I would like to advise you that we have just lost our starboard engine. However, please remain calm. We have everything under control. This aircraft can operate with three engines just as well.”

About fifteen minutes later a movie was shown in the cabin and the passengers almost forgot the previous announcement, when the captain’s voice was heard again:

“I am sorry, but we seem to have lost another engine. You have no cause to worry. The aircraft is capable of flying with two engines. However, purely as a precautionary measure, those passengers who can swim, should concentrate on the left side of the cabin and those who cannot, should move to the right side.”                

Another fifteen minutes passed and the now familiar voice was heard again on the public address system:

“This is the captain once again. We have just lost our third engine and are initiating ditching procedures. All passengers are requested to don their life vests. As soon as the aircraft comes to a complete stop, the crew will open the exit doors. Please remove your shoes and follow the instructions of your crew in using the emergency escape slides. Those on the left side of the plane can commence swimming towards the shore. Those on the right side will remain floating and it is hoped, will eventually be located and rescued. In any case, should we not meet again, I want to thank you for flying with our airline.”   

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Category: Fron the Mouths of Babes 

NOT SO STONY

Two ten years old boys were swimming at a swimming hole. They just finished and used towels to dry off, when from the bushes they saw a naked woman go swimming in the pond. They watched for four-five minutes, when one of the boys bolted and ran away. The other boy ran after him and asked:

“Why’d you run?”

To which the first boy responded:

“My mom told me that if I ever stared at a naked lady, I’d turn to stone... and I felt it happening!”

   

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

CUNNING

An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him:

"We're not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned:

"I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said:

"I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.

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Category: Ethnic Jokes A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS The rich Sikh built a palace with three swimming pools. One contained hot water, the second cold water and the third was empty. A friend asked him what does he need three swimming pools for. “You know there are cold days here when it is nice to jump into the hot water. In the summer it gets very hot in these parts and the only way to cool off is to immerse yourself in the cool waters of the pool.” “But what about the empty pool?” “There are days when I don’t feel like swimming.”

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