Category: Ethnic Stories

BRIEF NOTES

¬ The Polish wife looked at herself in the mirror and uttered:

“The son-of-the-bitch really deserves it!”

¬ Question:

“In Scotland, how does a policeman go about dispersing a crowd?”  

Answer:

“He takes off his cap and starts a collection.”

¬ Question:

“When abroad, how does a Scotsman manage to conceal his identity?”

Answer:

“He tips the bell-boy at the hotel.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

TIPPING

Abe, an old Jewish guy, was a yarn merchant. He lived next door to the biggest anti-Semite in town. One day the anti-Semite called up Abe and said:

“Hey Jew!!!... I need a piece of orange yarn. The length must be from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis and I want it delivered tomorrow.”
Abe said: “OK.”
The next morning the anti-Semite was awakened at 7 AM by the sound of running engines. He ran outside to see a row of trucks lined up one after the other, dumping truckload after truckload of orange yarn in his front yard. Soon his yard was a 5-foot deep sea of orange yarn. Abe then presented a bill for $18,000 to the anti-Semite. The guy started yelling and screaming at Abe:
“What is this, Jew? This is not what I asked for! I told you I needed a piece of yarn from the end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this place! What do you have to say for yourself?”
Straight-faced, Abe replied:
“I'm very careful when I deal with people like you, that's why I got a few witnesses here with me. I may be off by a few miles, so I gave you a 2% discount, but the tip of my penis is in Poland.”

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Category: In the Middle East THE CRUCIFIXION

A group of Israelis took a guided tour through “classic” Europe - England, France, the Benelux countries and Italy. They were in luck and had an excellent guide, who spared no effort in showing them every sight worth seeing, performing his job with such enthusiasm, as though it was the first time he was visiting these places.

At the end of the tour, the bus brought them to Fiumicino Airport, where their plane waited. While the members of the group got out of the bus, the guide stood near the door, with a big smile on his face and somehow radiating expectation. The tourists were generous in their praise, each of them stopped by him, shook his hand and warmly thanked him for his efforts. The guide appreciated the gratitude, but somehow expected a little more than that. The smile slowly froze on his lips.

“Maybe the habit of tipping is unknown in Israel,” - he thought, as he shook another outstretched hand. “Maybe I should have somehow mentioned the fact that our salaries are small and we rely on the tourists’ gratuities to complement it.”

Only one Israeli was left in the bus. He too approached the frustrated guide with an outstretched hand, but all of a sudden - as though he only now remembered it - reached into his pocket and took out a thick envelope.

“We wanted to show you our appreciation of your outstanding performance, so we all pitched in and collected a tidy sum for you. Thank you for a job well done.”

This was a little too much for the guide and he burst out:

“I don’t know, whether or not you really crucified Jesus Christ, but you sure made him sweat!”

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