Category: C'est la Vie

SIAMESE TWINS

Siamese twins walked into a bar in Canada and parked themselves on a bar stool. One of them said to the bartender:

 "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tried to make polite conversation while pouring the beers.

"Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to England next month," - said John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?"

Jim agreed.

 "Ah, England !" said the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture...."

"Nah, we don't like that British crap," said John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."

"So why keep going to England?" - asked the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

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Category: Ethnic Stories WITH HER MAJESTY'S PERMISSION

A reception was held at the residence of the President of Israel. Even though it was a hot summer day, all the dignitaries appeared in their Sunday (or rather Sabbath) best and only Cohen showed up wearing an undershirt. When the President noticed Cohen’s inappropriate eveningwear, he confronted him:

“Look here Cohen! You cannot appear at my party in an undershirt!”

“But it was the Queen of England who gave me permission to come to your party dressed like this!”

“How come?”

“Last year, while vacationing in London, I decided to go to a party at Buckingham Palace. As it was a hot evening I thought a clean undershirt would suffice, but suddenly somebody tapped my shoulder. I turned around and saw that it was Elizabeth. She was quite red in the face and said:

“Where do you think you are? Dressed like that you can show up at your President’s party in Jerusalem, but not at my place!”

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