Category: Boys and Girls

BATTLE OF SEXES

Three bachelors lived in a small apartment. One day one announced:

“Boys, go tonight to a movie. I invited a lady home.”

When the two returned home late at night, they noticed that some of the furnishings were out of place. 

“How many times?” - they asked.

“Twice!” - came the ready answer. “And my guest once.”

Some days passed. Now it was second guy’s turn:

“Tonight I’ll have a lady guest. Go to a pub, or something.”

In the morning the other two saw that the place was in a mess and asked their mate how did he make out.

“Four times.”

“And the dame?”

“Twice.” 

In a few days it was the third man who ushered out his partners. In the morning the apartment looked like a battlefield. The other two asked their friend:

“This must have been a hell of an engagement. How many times?”

“Ten times.”

“And the woman?”

“She? She did not show up at all.”

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Category: Animal Stories CAT ON THE ROOF

A bachelor loved his cat so much that he would hurry home after work to see if everything was all right with it. He hardly ever joined his mates, who usually went to the pub. One day he was sent overseas on business and had to leave his beloved pet with his next-door neighbor, who promised to take good care of it. The next day when the man phoned and asked about the cat’s welfare, he learned to his astonishment that it met with an accident and was dead. The man was grief-stricken. It took him several (long distance) minutes to recover his wits and speak up:

“As a good friend, I expected you would have had some consideration for my feelings and not have sprung this calamity on me so abruptly,”- he said in a broken voice.

“I am sorry that I caused you so much distress,” - answered the neighbor. “How should I have broken the news to you?”

“Well, for example when I asked about the cat, you could have told me that it is on the roof. Then, during our next conversation, you could have told me, that it had fallen off the roof and was badly wounded. Only then, would you have advised me, that although everything possible was done to save its life it had unfortunately died.”

“I understand,” - replied the repentant neighbor.

“And now tell me, how is my mother?” - continued the man.

“She went on the roof,” – came the prompt reply.

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Category: Afterlife YULETIDE Three bachelors were waiting at the Pearly Gates to get in. St. Peter said: "It's nearing Christmas. Give, or tell me something significant to fit the season." The first bachelor went through his pockets, pulled out a book of matches, lighted one and said: "This is supposed to be a candle." "Good enough" - said St. Peter. The second bachelor pulled out a set of keys and jingled them. "What's that?" – asked St. Peter. The bachelor said: "It's Jingle Bells." St. Peter sighed heavily and said: "Fine...go ahead.” Bachelor three started going through his pockets, looking for something that would be significant to Christmas...finally he pulled out a pair of panties. St. Peter said: " What's THAT got to do with Christmas?" The bachelor replied: " They're Carols."

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