Category: Old Age Humiliations

TOTAL AMNESIA

The elderly lady complained to her daughter:
“I am getting on in age and I think I should stop holding these weekly bridge-parties at my house. I prepare sandwiches, cakes, soft drinks and when everybody is gone, I discover that I forgot to serve them.”
“Oh Mum, it would be a foolish to stop something you enjoy so much,” – said the daughter. “I know you look forward to the party all through the week. I‘ll prepare a note and attach it to the fridge door to remind you of the things you must do.”
The system worked fine. When the bridge players next assembled at the old lady’s home and she entered her kitchen, she saw her daughter’s note:
“Serve coffee and cakes.”
The woman followed the instructions. The next time she came to fetch a glass of water, she saw the note again and served her guests again. This scene was repeated for the third and fourth time. There were plenty of cakes and nobody really noticed being served several times, because the bridge partners were as forgetful as their host was.
Just as the guests were leaving, the daughter arrived.
“Did my mother serve you coffee and cakes?” – she asked.
“No,” – replied the friends. “She is becoming a miser in her old age. We were quite hungry, but we did not get anything.”
The daughter entered the apartment and asked her mother:
“Mummy, why didn’t you serve coffee and cakes to your friends?”
“Just imagine,” – answered the lady, – “nobody showed up.”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

THERE IS MUCH TO LIVE FOR

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said:

“Stop! Don't do it!”

“Why shouldn't I?” - he said.

I said: “Well, there's so much to live for!”

He said: “Like what?”

I said: “Well...are you religious, or atheist?”

He said: “Religious.”

I said: “Me too! Are you Christian, or Buddhist?”

He said: “Christian.”

I said: “Me too! Are you catholic, or Protestant?”

He said: “Protestant.”

I said: “Me too! Are you Episcopalian, or Baptist?”

He said: “Baptist!”

I said: “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God, or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

He said: “Baptist Church of God!”

I said: “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?”

He said: “Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

I said: “Me too! Are you reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”

He said: “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”

I said: “Die, heretic scum!” – and pushed him off.

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Category: At The Card Table

BRIDGE PLAYERS

The worst thing that can happen to you in a contract bridge game - besides losing - is getting stuck with a bad partner. The male partner in this particular game never let his female accomplice know what his cards were. When the man excused himself and disappeared into the bathroom, his partner took advantage of his absence, to vent her frustration:

“You know,” - she declared to the other two players - “this is the first time tonight that I know for sure, what my partner has in his hand.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations TOTAL AMNESIA

The elderly lady complained to her daughter:

“I am getting on in age and I think I should stop holding these weekly bridge-parties at my house. I prepare sandwiches, cakes, soft drinks and when everybody is gone, I discover that I forgot to serve them.”

“Oh Mum, it would be a foolish to stop something you enjoy so much,” – said the daughter. “I know you look forward to the party all through the week. I‘ll prepare a note and attach it to the fridge door to remind you of the things you must do.”

The system worked fine. When the bridge players next assembled at the old lady’s home and she entered her kitchen, she saw her daughter’s note:

“Serve coffee and cakes.”

The woman followed the instructions. The next time she came to fetch a glass of water, she saw the note again and served her guests again. This scene was repeated for the third and fourth time. There were plenty of cakes and nobody really noticed being served several times, because the bridge partners were as forgetful as their host was.

Just as the guests were leaving, the daughter arrived.

“Did my mother serve you coffee and cakes?” – she asked.

“No,” – replied the friends. “She is becoming a miser in her old age. We were quite hungry, but we did not get anything.”

The daughter entered the apartment and asked her mother:

“Mummy, why didn’t you serve coffee and cakes to your friends?”

“Just imagine,” – answered the lady, – “nobody showed up.”

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