Category: Loonies

FISHY STORY

Three variations on the same joke. Variation one:

A wife complained to her friend:

“My husband sits all day long in the bathroom tub and fishes.”

“Have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?”

“Not yet…the truth is, I’m crazy about fish.”

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Category: Airlines

OUTSTANDING SERVICE

On a Singapore Airlines flight, an unaccompanied minor was entrusted to the care of a young stewardess. She gave him some puzzles to work out and went to see about the rest of her duties. Somewhere above the ocean, the boy told the stewardess that he had to go to the bathroom urgently. The girl took him to the toilet, showed him the facilities and left him to his own devices. Soon enough the child finished his business, but instead of returning to his seat, wandered off in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, unnoticed by the flight attendant, another passenger entered the same toilet. When 5-6 minutes passed and the caring stewardess did not see the boy come out of the restroom, she went over to the toilet door, knocked on it and in a soft voice asked:

“Do you need any help with your zipper dear?”

From inside a startled voice was heard:

“Good Grief! Singapore Airlines really does provide outstanding service.”   

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Category: Misers AT HIS EXPENSE

A woman complained to her husband:

“You must do something about the curtain on the bathroom window. Every time I shower, our neighbor tries to peek at me.”

“Let him succeed just once,” – answered her caring spouse, – “and he will buy a new curtain for our bathroom window at his expense.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations NIGHT LIGHT



 
George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said:

“George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and do you have a good relationship with God?”
George replied:
“I'm eating well and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I’m done *poof* the light goes off.”
“Wow!” - commented Dr. Smith. “That’s incredible!”
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife.
“Ethel,” - he said, - “George is doing fine. Physically he’s great. One thing though, I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?”
Ethel exclaimed:
“Oh, no! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

NOT VERY HELPFUL

It was the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class:

“If any of you has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers.”

After a moment of quiet thought, one little boy asked:

“And how will that help?”

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Category: At The Card Table

BRIDGE PLAYERS

The worst thing that can happen to you in a contract bridge game - besides losing - is getting stuck with a bad partner. The male partner in this particular game never let his female accomplice know what his cards were. When the man excused himself and disappeared into the bathroom, his partner took advantage of his absence, to vent her frustration:

“You know,” - she declared to the other two players - “this is the first time tonight that I know for sure, what my partner has in his hand.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations NIGHT LIGHT Old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said: “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and do you have a good relationship with God?” George replied: “I'm eating well and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I’m done *poof* the light goes off.” “Wow!” - commented Dr. Smith. “That’s incredible!” A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Ethel,” - he said, - “George is doing fine. Physically he’s great. One thing though, I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?” Ethel exclaimed: “Oh, no! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!” Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Loonies

Three variations on the same joke. Can you tell who is the one who is really nuts? One:

FISHY STORY A wife complained to her friend: “My husband sits all day long in the bathroom tub and fishes.” “Have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?” “Not yet…the truth is, I’m crazy about fish.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes NOT VERY HELPFUL

It was the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class:

“If any of you has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers.”

After a moment of quiet thought, one little boy asked:

“And how will that help?”

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Category: Misers AT HIS EXPENSE A woman complained to her husband: “You must do something about the curtain on the bathroom window. Every time I shower, our neighbor tries to peek at me.” “Let him succeed just once,” – answered her caring spouse, – “and he will buy a new curtain for our bathroom window at his expense.”

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