Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies

THE OSTRICH

A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asked them for their orders. The man said:

"A hamburger, fries and a coke" - and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," - said the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returned with the order:

"That will be $9.40 please," - and the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact
change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said:

"A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich said:

"I'll have the same."

Again the man reached into his pocket and paid with exact change. This became routine, until the two entered again.

"The usual?" asked the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad.

Shortly the waitress brought the order and said:

"That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulled the exact change out of his pocket and placed it on the table. The waitress couldn't hold back her curiosity any longer:

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," - said the man, - "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."

"That's brilliant!" said the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars, or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," - said the man.

The waitress asked:

"So, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighed, paused and answered:

"My second wish was for a tall chick with  big breasts and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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Category: Ethnic Stories

LOST AT SEA

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out:
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!”

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies

NEIGHBORLY GUY

While plowing the land, the cheapskate farmer found an ancient jug in the earth. Driven by curiosity, he opened it and out came a genie, jailed inside the jug 10,000 years ago. The thankful spirit told the farmer that he would grant any wish of his, with one precondition:

“Your neighbor will get double of anything that you get!”

This was one tough decision for the farmer. He thought for a while and then said:

“I wish you would remove one of my balls.”

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Faries THE TINY PIANIST A man walked into a bar with a paper bag. He sat down and placed the bag on the counter. The bartender walked up and asks what's in the bag. The man reached into the bag and pulled out a little man, about one foot high and set him on the counter. He reached back into the bag and pulled out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reached into the bag once again and pulled out a tiny piano bench, which he placed in front of the piano.

The little man sat down at the piano and started playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" - said the bartender.

The man responded by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulled out a magic lamp. He handed it to the bartender and said:

"Here, Rub it."

So the bartender rubbed the lamp and suddenly there was a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie was standing before him.

"I will grant you one wish. Just one wish -- each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender got real excited. Without hesitating he said:

"I want a million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walked into the bar. It was soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar was filled with ducks and they kept coming! The bartender turned to the man and quite angrily said:

"Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

"Tell me about it!!" - said the man. "Do you really think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies JEWISH GENIE An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst. He was crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand and discovered that it was a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top and out popped a genie. But this was no ordinary genie. This genie appeared to be a Chasidic rabbi, complete with black capote coat, black hat, side curls, etc. “Well, kid,” - said the genie. “You know how it works. You have three wishes.” “I’m not going to trust you,” said the Arab. “I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!” “What do you have to lose? It looks like you’re a goner anyway!” The Arab thought about this for a minute and decided that the genie was right. “OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink.” *POOF* The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. “OK, kid, what’s your second wish?” “My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.” *POOF* The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. “OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!” After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab said: “I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women.” *POOF* The Arab was turned into a Tampax. The moral of the story is: If you do business with a Jewish genie, there’s going to be a string attached.

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Category: Genies, Jinns and Fairies TALL ORDER A farmer was plowing his field when his plow struck a hard object. He bent down to see what it was and saw that it was a very old looking earthen jug. His curiosity aroused, he opened the heavily sealed stopper and out came a spirit with a big whoosh, 10 meters tall, bearded, turbaned, looking for all purposes like a Turkish pasha. The genie sighed, stretched luxuriously and then folding his arms on his chest bowed to the fearful farmer and in a deep rumbling voice vocalized: “Don’t be afraid. I have been locked in this bottle for 10,000 years and am indebted to you, mortal being, for setting me free. I am yours to serve and will fulfill any wish you may have.” The farmer thought for a while and then said: “It would benefit me and my family and also the country, if I could have an oil well in my courtyard.” The genie looked embarrassed: “Take pity on me! I am only a minor spirit and out of practice at that. Cannot you wish for something easier?” The farmer deliberated again and finally replied: “I am married for 20 years to a Polish woman and I never had good sex with her. Could you grant me just one enjoyable, satisfying night with her?” The spirit was dumbfounded by this request. He scratched his head and then said: “Maybe I’ll try my hand with the oil well after all.”

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