Category: Preposterpus Stories

BAD CUT

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded:

“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

“We're taking TWA,” - was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“TWA?” - exclaimed the barber. “That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We'll be at the downtown International Marriott.”

“That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”

“We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”

“That's rich,” - laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.”

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” - explained the man, - “not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel, it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” - muttered the barber, - “I know you didn't get to see the pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to meet personally some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Really?” - asked the barber. “What'd he say?”

“Not much really. He just said: ‘Where'd you get that lousy haircut?!’”

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Category: Airline Stories

A CONVINCING ARGUMENT

On a flight out of one of the Eastern European countries, a farmer got on the airplane. He put his bundle of belongings on one seat, his cane and hat on the other and deposited his ample behind on a third seat. The stewardess asked him to move his baggage to the overhead bin or under his seat and tried to assist him with the task, but the man just glared at her fiercely and she desisted.

One of the passengers noticed her problem and offered assistance.

“I know these people,” - he said. He went over to the man, whispered in his ear and after a short while, the farmer got up and moved his things off the two seats. The stewardess was very thankful to the helpful passenger, but wanted to know:

“What did you tell him that made him move his gear so readily?”

“I explained to him that these seats are flying to a different destination.” 

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Category: Airline Stories

FIRST THINGS FIRST

A short while after takeoff the Captain switched on the public address system and welcomed the passengers on Flight 321 to New York. He informed them that the flight will take 7 hours and 50 minutes and added that the crew would soon be serving dinner. Wishing them a pleasant flight he switched off the microphone or rather thought he did, leaned back in his seat and sighing contentedly said to his First Officer:

     “I’ll have a cup of coffee now and then I’ll have a little romp with that pretty new stewardess.”

The passengers received his remarks, transmitted over the loudspeakers, with enthusiastic cheers. One of the stewardesses moved quickly towards the cockpit to warn the Captain that the microphone was left open. An elderly lady, sitting on an aisle seat, stopped her and said:

“You don’t have to hurry, my dear! The man said that he is going to have a coffee first!”              

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Category: Blondes NO WAY OUT

It was the pretty new blonde stewardesses' first flight on that particular route. Due to its length, the crew had to stay over in another city. On arrival, the crew was driven to a hotel, had dinner and it being the end of a long day, they all retired to their rooms. The next morning, as the crew gathered in the hotel lobby for their pick-up to the airport, the captain noticed that the new stewardess was missing. He called up her room number, wondering what happened to her. In a broken voice the girl complained that she was unable to get out of her room. The captain was flabbergasted:

“Why can't you get out of your room?” – he asked.

The stewardess replied:

“There are only three doors in here,” – she sobbed, – “one is the bathroom, one is the closet and the third has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb!’”

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Category: Airlines OUTSTANDING SERVICE On a Singapore Airlines flight, an unaccompanied minor was entrusted to the care of a young stewardess. She gave him some puzzles to work out and went to see about the rest of her duties. Somewhere above the ocean, the boy told the stewardess that he had to go to the bathroom urgently. The girl took him to the toilet, showed him the facilities and left him to his own devices. Soon enough the child finished his business, but instead of returning to his seat, wandered off in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, unnoticed by the flight attendant, another passenger entered the same toilet. When 5-6 minutes passed and the caring stewardess did not see the boy come out of the restroom, she went over to the toilet door, knocked on it and in a soft voice asked: “Do you need any help with your zipper dear?” From inside a startled voice was heard: “Good Grief! Singapore Airlines really does provide outstanding service.”

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Category: Airline Stories A CONVINCING ARGUMENT

On a flight out of one of the Eastern European countries, a farmer got on the airplane. He put his bundle of belongings on one seat, his cane and hat on the other and deposited his ample behind on a third seat. The stewardess asked him to move his baggage to the overhead bin or under his seat and tried to assist him with the task, but the man just glared at her fiercely and she desisted.

One of the passengers noticed her problem and offered assistance.

“I know these people,” - he said. He went over to the man, whispered in his ear and after a short while, the farmer got up and moved his things off the two seats. The stewardess was very thankful to the helpful passenger, but wanted to know:

“What did you tell him that made him move his gear so readily?”

“I explained to him that these seats are flying to a different destination.”

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