Category: Old Age Humiliations WHO IS CALLING? An 80-year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months together, the woman wasn’t feeling well and went to her doctor. The doctor examined her and said: “Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you’re going to be a mother.”

“Get serious doctor, I’m 80.”

“I know,” - said the doctor. “This morning I would have said it was impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle.”

“I’ll be darned,” - she replied and stormed out of the office. She walked down the hall and around the corner to where the telephones were. In a rage, she dialed her husband.

“Hello,” - she heard his familiar halting voice. She screamed:

“You rotten SOB. You got me pregnant!”

There was a pause on the line. Finally, her husband answered:

“Who’s calling please?”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations MISPLACED SEX DRIVE

“You’re in remarkable shape for a man your age,” - said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination.

“I know it,” - said the old gentleman. “I’ve really got only one complaint - my sex drive is too high. Can you do anything for that, Doc?” The doctor’s mouth dropped open. “Your what?!” - he gasped. “My sex drive,” - said the old man. “It’s too high and I’d like to have you lower it if you can.” “Lower it?!” - exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year old gentleman was saying. “Just what do you consider ’high’?” “These days it seems like it’s all in my head, Doc,” - said the old man - “and I’d like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can.” Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Old Age Humiliations NIGHT LIGHT Old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said: “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself and do you have a good relationship with God?” George replied: “I'm eating well and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom *poof* the light goes on, when I’m done *poof* the light goes off.” “Wow!” - commented Dr. Smith. “That’s incredible!” A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Ethel,” - he said, - “George is doing fine. Physically he’s great. One thing though, I had to call because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof* the light goes on in the bathroom and then when he is through *poof* the light goes off?” Ethel exclaimed: “Oh, no! He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!” Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Old Age Humiliations BREAKFAST A LA FRESCO

After a long-lasting liaison, a couple became somehow separated. About 20 years later, when they met again, the old flame was rekindled and they decided to live together. The next morning, following a night of passionate lovemaking, the woman came to the breakfast table stark naked. Noticing the look on her mate’s face, she asked:

“Isn’t this the costume you always wanted me to wear?”

“Yes,” – responded her paramour, – “but you should have ironed it first.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes WRITER’S CRAMP Mrs. Smith and Mr. Peabody – both consenting adults – had a long-running relationship. A set of previously agreed code words enabled the couple to communicate, without endangering their happy marriages. The code for arranging a meeting was “typewriter.” One day Mr. Peabody felt horny and thought that meeting Mrs. Smith would somewhat alleviate his state. So, he sent his son over to the Smiths and told him to ask the mistress of the house if he can borrow their typewriter. The boy came back soon and conveyed Mrs. Smith’s regret, saying the machine only has a red ribbon. A week passed. Mrs. Smith already had a black ribbon, but there was no word from Mr. Peabody. At last, she decided to send over her daughter with a message that the typewriter is now available for his use. But Mr. Peabody no longer needed it. He told the girl to pass the message to her mother that he has already written by hand. Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Naughty Jokes SEXUAL HARASSMENT Duracell Bunny became a victim of sexual harassment. Normally, the Bunny keeps going and going and going.... But somebody reversed the polarity and the Bunny kept coming and coming and coming...

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Category: Naughty Jokes PITIFUL STATE A middle-aged man was riding the subway with his fly open. A boy whispered in his ear: “Uncle, half of your wee-wee is hanging out.” The man sighed: “Unfortunately, that’s all of it.”

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