Category: Ecumenical Stories

THE PRIEST AND THE CHICKEN

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chicken he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he knew cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to do something about it at church the next morning. At Mass, he asked the congregation:

“Has anybody got a cock?”
All the men stood up.
“No, No,” – he said, – “that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?”
All the women stood up.
“No, No,” – he said, – “that wasn't either what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them.”
Half the women stood up.
“No, No,” – he said, – “that again wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?”
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up

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Category: Accountants

HUSBANDRY

A woman walked into an accountant’s office and told him that she needed to file her taxes. The accountant said:

“Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

He wrote down her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asked:

“What is your occupation?”

The woman replied:

“I’m a whore.”

The accountant balked:

“No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman said:

“OK, I’m a prostitute.”

“No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

They both thought for a minute, then the woman stated:

“I’m a chicken farmer.”

The accountant wondered:

“What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore, or a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised over 3,000 cocks last year.”

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Category: On the Farm RANDY

This farmer had about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wanted chicks. So, he went down the road to the next farmer and asked if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer said:

“Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem.”

Well, Randy the rooster cost a lot of money, but the farmer decided he'd be worth it. So, he bought Randy. The farmer took Randy home and set him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk first.

“Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun.”

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Randy took off like a shot. - WHAM! - Randy nailed every hen in the hen house three, or four times, and the farmer was really shocked. After that the farmer heard a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy was in there. Later, the farmer saw Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He got all the geese.

By sunset he saw Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer was distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. The farmer went to bed and waked up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards were circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shook his head and said:

“Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.”

Randy opened one eye, nodded toward the buzzards circling in the sky and said:

“Shhh, they're getting closer!”

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