Category: Naughty Jokes

BRIEF, BUT NAUGHTY

¬ During the Holiday Season, a man bought his girlfriend a pair of stockings. On one stocking he inscribed “Merry Christmas!”, on the other “Happy New Year!” and on the attached greeting card he wrote: “See you between the two holidays.” 
¬ There is a new pill that cures both impotence and constipation. It will be marketed under the name: “Easy Come, Easy Go.”
¬ While in London, a Scotsman asked a prostitute who accosted him what her going rate was. On hearing her reply, the stupefied man exclaimed:
“But Baby, I don’t want to buy it, just use it for a while.” 
¬ Suggested one penis to another:
“Let’s go and watch a blue movie.”
Answered his mate:
“And stand-up during the entire performance?”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

BRIEF ONES

 During the Holiday Season, a man bought his girlfriend a pair of stockings. On one stocking he inscribed “Merry Christmas!”, on the other “Happy New Year!” and on the attached greeting card he wrote: “See you between the two holidays.”
 There is a new pill that cures both impotence and constipation. It will be marketed under the name: “Easy Come, Easy Go.”
 While in London, a Scotsman asked a prostitute who accosted him what her going rate was. On hearing her reply, the stupefied man exclaimed:
“But Baby, I don’t want to buy it, just use it for a while.”

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Category: Accountants

HUSBANDRY

A woman walked into an accountant’s office and told him that she needed to file her taxes. The accountant said:

“Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

He wrote down her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asked:

“What is your occupation?”

The woman replied:

“I’m a whore.”

The accountant balked:

“No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman said:

“OK, I’m a prostitute.”

“No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

They both thought for a minute, then the woman stated:

“I’m a chicken farmer.”

The accountant wondered:

“What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore, or a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised over 3,000 cocks last year.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

NAVAL TERMINOLOGY

An old retired sailor put on his old uniform and headed once more for the docks, for old times sake. He engaged a prostitute and took her up to a room. He was soon going at it as well as he could for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, asked:
“How am I doing?”
The prostitute replied:
“Well old sailor, you're doing about three knots.”
“Three knots?” – he asked. “What's that supposed to mean?”
She said: “You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money-back!

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

NOT BAD AS IT SOUNDS

The daughter of an Irish family phoned from the big city:

“Mummy, I must confess! I have become a prostitute.”

The lines were bad and the mother hard-of-hearing. She shouted aghast:

“What did you become?”

“A prostitute, Mother! A hooker,” – elucidated the girl.

“Thank God,” – sighed the mother. “I thought for a minute that you said ‘a Protestant.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations YARD SALE

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a Nursing Home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip I passed the same Nursing Home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I went inside to talk to the manager.

"Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"

"Yes," - he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale.

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Category: Old Age Humiliations NAVAL TERMINOLOGY

An old retired sailor put on his old uniform and headed once more for the docks, for old times sake. He engaged a prostitute and took her up to a room. He was soon going at it as well as he could for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, asked:

“How am I doing?”

The prostitute replied:

“Well old sailor, you're doing about three knots.”

“Three knots?” – he asked. “What's that supposed to mean?”

She said: “You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money-back!

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Ecumenical Stories NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS The daughter of an Irish family phoned from the big city: “Mummy, I must confess! I have become a prostitute.” The lines were bad and the mother hard-of-hearing. She shouted aghast: “What did you become?” “A prostitute, Mother! A hooker,” – elucidated the girl. “Thank God,” – sighed the mother. “I thought for a minute that you said ‘a Protestant.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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