Category: Ecumenical Stories

WELL, I'LL BE ...

A man, reeking of alcohol, flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked:

“Say, Father, do you know what causes arthritis?”
The priest, disgusted by the man’s appearance and behavior, snapped:
“It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man!”
“Well, I’ll be,” – the man muttered and returned to his newspaper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized:
“I’m sorry to have come on so strong – I didn’t mean it. How long have you been suffering from arthritis?”
“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

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Category: At the Court-of-Law

JUDGE NOT...

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked:

“Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded:

“Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot, when you haven’t the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked:

“Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”

She replied:

“Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace:

“If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”

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