Category: Afterlife

THE CATCH

A pair of identical twin brothers lived in a certain town. One lived a godly life, was a good husband and father, a reputable businessman and did lots of community service. The other cheated and lied, was a hell-raiser, a drunkard, unfaithful to his wife and mean to his kids. They both died at about the same time. The good twin was in Heaven and could look down on his bad twin in Hell. The place was not as he imagined. He saw his brother drinking, partying and dancing, having beautiful women, with lots of passionate kissing going on. The good twin went up to St Peter and said:

“Mind you, I'm not complaining. This place is peaceful and beautiful, but my brother down there looks like he's having the time of his life. He has his own beer keg and just look at that gorgeous woman he is kissing.”

St Peter put an arm on the man's shoulder and said:

“My son, all is not as it seems. The keg has a hole in it. The woman doesn't.”

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Category: At the Court-of-Law

JUDGE NOT...

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked:

“Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded:

“Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot, when you haven’t the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked:

“Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?”

She replied:

“Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace:

“If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be jailed for contempt!”

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