Category: Technology/Computers

A SKILLFUL WOMAN

An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life - at least for a while. A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.

One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat and in it was the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her:

“Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

“I rowed from the other side of the island,” - she said. “I landed here when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,” - he said, - “I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.”

“It's only me,” - she said - “and the rowboat didn't wash up, nothing did.”

He was confused:

“Then how did you get the rowboat?”

“Oh, simple,” - replied the woman. “I made it out of raw material that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the sides from palm branches, and the bottom, bow and stern came from a eucalyptus tree.”

“But, but, that's impossible,” - stuttered the man. “You had no tools or hardware - how did you manage?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” - the woman said. “On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if fired to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that. Where do you live?”

Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.

“Well, let's row over to my place, then,” - she said. After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walked into the house, she said casually:

“It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?”    “No, no, thank you,” - he said, still dazed. “I can't take any more coconut juice.”

“It's not coconut juice,” - the woman replied. “I have a still. How about a pina colada?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced:

“I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism.

“ This woman is amazing,” - he mused. “What next?”    When he returned, the woman greeted him wearing nothing, but vines strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” - she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, -”we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know....”

She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing:

“You mean...,” - he replied, - “I can check my e-mail from here??”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

TALL STORY

A cruise-ship in the Caribbean had sunk and the only survivors, who managed to reach an uninhabited island, were Sharon Stone and an uncouth sailor. The place was a paradise, the weather uniformly pleasant, there was plenty of fruit, but nothing much to do. In spite of the differences between them, after a while they just naturally settled down to a regular routine of sex.

After about a week, the sailor asked Sharon to wear his clothes. The actress agreed. After another week he asked her to paint herself a mustache and beard with some soot. To Sharon the request seemed a little queer, but again she agreed. After one more week the sailor asked Sharon if from now on he can call her Joe. When she complied with her mate’s request, the sailor put his hand around her shoulder, took her aside and whispered into her ear:

“Joe, you are not going to believe this, but for three weeks running now I’ve been fucking Sharon Stone.”

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Category: Gay Liberation Front

DUTY ROSTER

A ship sunk in a big storm and only seven passengers in a small boat managed to reach an uninhabited island. Six of the survivors were women and one was a man. There was plenty of food and water, the weather was uniformly pleasant and the only problem was how to provide a satisfactory and balanced love life for all. In the end, the women all agreed on a roster, which gave each of them one night per week with the only male on the island. Saturday was his night off.

The man was as happy as any red-blooded male would have been in his place. He had six young females for his sole enjoyment, with no competition in sight. Still, things seldom are as they seem to be and after a year he was completely fed up with his role of resident stud. So much so, that had it been possible, he would have practiced abstinence for the rest of his life.

Such was the situation, when one day another ship happened to sink near the island. All the inhabitants of the small island were on the beach, ready to help any survivors, but only one person was seen fighting the waves bravely. With the help of a rope thrown to him, the survivor reached safety. It then became apparent that he was a young athletic man. Joyfully, the man on the island took aside the new arrival and whispered to him:

“Welcome to Paradise. We shall have the time of our life. Each of us will service three women and spend the other four days of the week fishing, swimming, or just plain relaxing.”

“I regret that I cannot be of assistance,” - said the young man, - “I am a member of the Gay Liberation Front.”

Dejected our man thought to himself:

“Damn, there goes my free Saturday night!”

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