Category: Marital Bliss

CHOICES

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"

Husband: "Sure! What are my choices?"

Wife: "Yes, or no."

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

TOOK HIM LITERALLY

Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing.

“Susan,” - she said, - “you didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place!”

“I thought he wouldn't need them,” - explained Susan. “Daddy says he always eats like a horse.”

  

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Category: Animal World

DINNER COMPANION

A man accompanied by his dog, used to come to the pub every night, order a glass of whisky for himself and a small beer for his dog. He poured the beer into a saucer and the dog seemed to enjoy the foamy beverage. One night, the barman noticed that the dog came in unaccompanied. He just stood there, looked at the barman and wagged its tail. The man thought to himself:
“Maybe his owner couldn’t come and the dog came alone to get his nightly drink.”
He poured the animal its usual potion; the dog lapped it up, wagged its tail again and sauntered out. The same thing happened the next evening. The dog came in, had a drink and left again. On the third day, the regular patron showed up again and approached the barman.
“I am very grateful to you for taking care of my dog during my sickness,” – he said. “I brought you a nice lobster for your trouble.”
“Thank you,” - replied the barman, - “I’ll take it home for dinner.”
“He already had dinner,” - explained his customer. “Take him to the movies.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

UNNATURAL ACT

Two men met on the street. One seemed to be in a big hurry. Asked the other one:
“What is the rush, old buddy?”
“I must hurry home to cook dinner.”
“Is your wife sick?”
“No, she’s hungry.”

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Category: Doctors and Patients

EMERGENCY

The veterinarian had an exhausting day, but when he finally got home from tending to all those sick animals, his wife received him with a cool drink and a romantic, candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went to bed. At about 3:00 o’clock in the morning, the phone rang.
“Is this the vet?” – asked an elderly lady's voice.
“Yes, it is”, – replied the vet, “Is it an emergency?”
“Well, sort of”, – said the lady, – “some cats on my roof are making a terrible noise mating and I can't sleep. What can I do about it?”
There was a half-minute pause, after which the vet patiently replied:
“Open the window and tell them that they have a phone call.”
“And will that stop them?” – asked the elderly lady?”
“It should,” – said the vet. “IT STOPPED ME!”

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Category: Marital Bliss

GROUND RULES

A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

“I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

His new bride said:

“No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not.”

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Category: Male Chauvinist UNNATURAL ACT Two men met on the street. One seemed to be in a big hurry. Asked the other one: “What is the rush, old buddy?” “I must hurry home to cook dinner.” “Is your wife sick?” “No, she’s hungry.”

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