Category: Animal Stories

HORSE SENSE

A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again.

Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent. As he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised himself. Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice:

"It's your fuel pump."

The man rose up quickly, striking his head on the underside of the hood.

"Who said that?" - he demanded.

There were two horses standing in the fenced field alongside the road and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated:

"It's your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight and try it again."

Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar.

"Gimme a large whiskey, please!" - he said.

A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked:

"What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"It's unbelievable," - the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful.

"A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"

The man replied in the affirmative.

"Yes, it was! Am I crazy?"

"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," - said the rancher, "because that black horse doesn't know a thing about cars.

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Category: Airline Stories CUSTOMER RELATIONS

The passengers on the transatlantic flight had just finished their meal and were comfortably relaxed, when the loudspeakers suddenly came on:

“This is the captain speaking. I would like to advise you that we have just lost our starboard engine. However, please remain calm. We have everything under control. This aircraft can operate with three engines just as well.”

About fifteen minutes later a movie was shown in the cabin and the passengers almost forgot the previous announcement, when the captain’s voice was heard again:

“I am sorry, but we seem to have lost another engine. You have no cause to worry. The aircraft is capable of flying with two engines. However, purely as a precautionary measure, those passengers who can swim, should concentrate on the left side of the cabin and those who cannot, should move to the right side.”

Another fifteen minutes passed and the now familiar voice was heard again on the public address system:

“This is the captain once again. We have just lost our third engine and are initiating ditching procedures. All passengers are requested to don their life vests. As soon as the aircraft comes to a complete stop, the crew will open the exit doors. Please remove your shoes and follow the instructions of your crew in using the emergency escape slides. Those on the left side of the plane can commence swimming towards the shore. Those on the right side will remain floating and it is hoped, will eventually be located and rescued. In any case, should we not meet again, I want to thank you for flying with our airline.”

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Category: Blondes INDEFINITELY DELAYED Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced: “One of our engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left.” Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced: “One more engine has failed and the flight will take two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left.” An hour later the Captain announced: “One more engine has failed and the flight will last three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left.” One blonde looked at the other and said: “If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day.” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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