Category: Male Chauvinists

NO OFFENSE MEANT

“I have never encountered such impudence! I’m telling you that my wife is expecting a child and you are asking me from whom?”

“All right, take it easy. I thought you knew who the father is.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

GROUP FARE

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal and said to the first man he met:

"Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said:

"I do Father."

The priest said:

"Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man:

"Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," - was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," - said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked:

"Do you want to go to heaven?

O'Toole said:

"No, I don't Father”.

The priest said:

"I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said:

 "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

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Category: Women's Lib

UNISEX

The guests at the wealthy socialite’s house were treated to an impromptu concert. One of the guests whispered to the person next to him:

“That girl is singing completely off-key.”

“That is my son who is singing,” - replied the other.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were his father.”

“No, I’m his mother.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes EXCELLENT MEMORY

Three guys were debating who has the best memory. The first said:

“I can remember the first day of my First Grade class.”

The second guy said:

“I can remember my first day at Nursery School!”

Not to be outdone, the third guy said:

“Hell, that's nothing. I can remember going to the senior prom with my father and coming home with my mother.”

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Category: Boys and Girls THE YOUNGER THE BETTER

A young man came to the father of his beloved:

“Sir, I respectfully request the hand of your daughter.”

“Did you speak to my wife yet?”

“Yes, I did, but if you don’t mind, I prefer your daughter.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories LAST WORDS

Father O'Grady was saying his good-byes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service, as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.

“What's bothering you so, dear?” - inquired Farther O'Grady.

“Oh, father, I've got terrible news,” - replied Mary.

“Well what is it, Mary?”

“Well, my husband passed away last night, Father.”

“Oh, Mary” - said the father, - “that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?”

“Well yes, he did father,” - replied Mary.

“What did he ask, Mary?”

“He said, 'Please Mary, put down the gun...'“

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