Category: Ethnic Jokes

PRAYING PROHIBITION

The approach of the High Holidays has a funny effect on people. The conscience of many an infidel, who usually does not frequent religious services, sounds an alarm bell and tells him, that the only way he can avoid heavenly retribution for his sins is to go to the synagogue. The pressure on the temple management is so great that seats have to be numbered and tickets sold weeks in advance.

On the Jewish New Year, a man came to the entrance of the synagogue, but was stopped by the usher who demanded to see his entrance-ticket.
“But I just want to speak to Schwarcz for a while,” - protested the man.
“Nothing doing! Today, nobody can go in without a ticket.”
“It’s a matter of life and death. Please let me in. I promise I'll only be five minutes.”
At last the attendant relented:
“All right. I shall let you pop in for just five minutes, but you can rest assured that I shall throw you out on your ear if I catch you saying even one word of prayer!”

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Category: Marital Bliss

UNREASONABLE DEMAND

“I heard that you and your wife quarreled, what happened?”

“We could not agree about our summer holidays.”

“How come?”

“I decided to go to the Canary Islands and she insisted on coming with me.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

HOLIDAY RUSE

Morris called his son in New York and said:

“Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama.”

The son was shocked and asked his father to tell him what happened.

“I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up.”

“But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?”

“It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it any more than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain.”

“But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?”

“No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow.”

“Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm taking the first flight down. Promise me that you won't do anything until I get there.”

“Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder*. Call your sister in NJ and break the news to her. I just can't bear to talk about it anymore.”

Half an hour later Morris received a call from his daughter who told him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow.

“Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on the phone, but promise me that you won't do anything until we both get there.”

Morris promised. After hanging up, Morris turned to his wife and said:

“Well, it worked this time, but we are going to have to come up with a new idea to get them here for Rosh Hashanah...**”

* The feast celebrated on the first two nights of Passover.

** Rosh Hashanah = the Jewish New Year

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