Category: Doctors and Patients

LAST WORDS

An elderly man became very ill and a priest was called out to administer the last sacrament. All the family assembled around the bed, but before the priest could utter a word, the sick man suddenly started to rattle and using sign language asked to be given some paper and a writing utensil. The priest gave him a block of paper and a pen, the man with great effort scribbled something on it and visibly suffering, expired. Reverently, the priest put the paper into an envelope and sealed it. At the funeral, after a touching eulogy praising the virtues of the deceased, the priest said:
“Dear mourners! During his last moments our brother wrote down a few lines, which I would like to read to you now.”
He opened the envelope and started reading:
“Father! You are standing on my oxygen bottle hose!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

 JAMAICAN FIREMAN

A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife:

“Y'know sump tin, honey, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station...

Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.

Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.

Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.

From now on, when I says, 'Bell one,' I want you to strip naked, 'Bell two,' you jump on de bed,    'Bell tree,' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."

The next night, he came home and shouted, 'Bell One' and she stripped naked. 'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed. 'Bell Tree' and they started to make love.

After a few minutes, the wife yelled out:

"BellFour!"

“What de hell is 'Bell Four', woman?" - asked the astonished Jamaican.

She replied: .

“Roll out more hose, man, you ain't nowhere near de fire.”

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