Category: The Absent-Minded Professor

A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY

It was late at night when the professor arrived in the strange town. He took a taxi to the only hotel, but was told that there are no rooms available. Still, the night clerk had a suggestion:
“At what time do you intend to check out?” - he asked.
“Quite early,” - answered the educator. “I have to catch the 6:00 a.m. train.”
“Then I could put you up in Room 201. A priest took the room an hour ago, but he looked so tired, that he is probably fast asleep by now. If you keep quiet, he won’t even notice that someone is sharing the room with him.”
The professor took the room, settled his bill in advance and asked to be awakened at 5 o’clock in the morning. He undressed in darkness and at dawn when the clerk knocked on his door did not switch on the light. In the dark room and in his haste, he put on the priest’s clothes. The porter summoned a taxi for the professor and it was only at the railway station, when he happened to look into a mirror, that he noticed his mistake.
“Look at those fools,”- exclaimed the exasperated professor. “They woke up the priest instead of me!”

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Category: Marital Bliss ENTIRELY YOUR CHOICE

During a European tour, an American couple came to a Swiss holiday resort and asked if there were any vacancies. Upon receiving an affirmative answer, the husband wanted to know the price of a room.

“$100 a day,” - replied the clerk at the reception.

The room was spacious and well furnished, the food excellent, the service courteous, the countryside beautiful, so the couple stayed for a week. On the last evening, the husband went down to the reception desk and requested the bill. To his astonishment it came to $1,400. He asked to see the manager:

“I was told that the price would be $100 per day and we stayed for 7 days only,” - he complained

“Yes, but we charge $100 a week for the use of our well-appointed tennis courts,” - replied the manager.

“But it’s the middle of winter, the snow is a meter high and the temperature outside is minus 25°.”

“The management regrets that you found the weather too cold. It is entirely our distinguished guests’ choice, whether they use our facilities, or not. They are there at their disposal,”- continued the manager. “Further, we billed you 100 additional dollars for the use of our Olympic-size swimming pool

“Are you crazy? It is an outdoor pool and it is frozen solid” - protested the tourist.

“Frozen or not, it was there for you to use. Then there is $100 charge per person for a ski-pass”.

Needless to say, it was in vain that the guest pointed out that neither he, nor his wife could ski. The manager summed up:

“And then there is $100 each, for our bobsled course, for the extensive bicycle paths and the well-equipped nursery, which takes care of your offspring, while you enjoy our luxurious facilities. That comes to $1,400 exactly, without service charge.”

The tourist thought for a minute and then wrote out a check. Now it was the manager’s turn to act surprised:

“But this check is for $700 only,” - he stated the obvious.

“Yes, but I charged you $100 a day for fucking my wife.”

“What! That ugly, fat, disgusting old hag?”

“I’m sorry that you did not like my wife, but it was entirely your own choice whether you made use of her services, or not. She was there at your disposal.”

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Category: Nouveau Riche THANK GOD

A golden Rolls Royce rolled to a stop before the exclusive “Fountainenbleu” Hotel in Miami. Out stepped a lady in a mink coat, the jewelry on her neck and hands dazzling in the afternoon sunshine. She requested the doorman to send out some men and carry her husband into the lobby. It took four strong bellboys to deposit the corpulent man in a comfortable armchair. As they pocketed their generous tip, one of them asked the wife pityingly:

“Can’t the poor guy walk at all?”

“Of course he can, but thank God, he doesn’t have to!”

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Category: C'est la Vie SHUT HIM UP

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

“You've got to have a room somewhere,” - he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don't care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” - admitted the manager -”and he might be glad to split the cost, but to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” - the tired Marine assured him. “I'll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How'd you sleep?” - asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed.

“No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time” - said the Marine.

“How'd you manage that?” - asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” - the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful' and he sat up all night watching me.”

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Category: Absent Minded Professor A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY It was late at night when the professor arrived in the strange town. He took a taxi to the only hotel, but was told that there are no rooms available. Still, the night clerk had a suggestion: “At what time do you intend to check out?” - he asked. “Quite early,” - answered the educator. “I have to catch the 6:00 a.m. train.” “Then I could put you up in Room 201. A priest took the room an hour ago, but he looked so tired, that he is probably fast asleep by now. If you keep quiet, he won’t even notice that someone is sharing the room with him.” The professor took the room, settled his bill in advance and asked to be awakened at 5 o’clock in the morning. He undressed in darkness and at dawn when the clerk knocked on his door did not switch on the light. In the dark room and in his haste, he put on the priest’s clothes. The porter summoned a taxi for the professor and it was only at the railway station, when he happened to look into a mirror, that he noticed his mistake. “Look at those fools,”- exclaimed the exasperated professor. “They woke up the priest instead of me!” If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

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