Category: In the Middle East

LET HER WORRY 

A young German blond lady, bursting with vitality, was touring Israel. She passed by a farm and took a fancy to the two brown-skinned, muscled, well-proportioned Yemenite youths working on the fields. She stopped her car and asked them if there is a place nearby where they can be alone. The young men immediately understood her intentions - after all, even country lads are not made of wood - and took her to a nearby shed. They all undressed, but before any action could be initiated, the girl took a box of prophylactics from her purse and asked:

“Do you know what these are?”

“No, we don’t,” - said both youths in unison.

“You put them on, so I won’t become pregnant.”

They did as told and the rest of the meeting evolved to the mutual satisfaction of all parties involved. The tourist thanked the boys, gave them her card - in case they are ever in Germany - kissed them good-bye and went on her way.

Two days passed. The youths were again busy in the field, when one of them suddenly asked:

“Tell me, would you mind if that blonde shiksa* had any children?”

“No, not at all,” - replied his pal.

“Then let’s take this thing off. I’m dying to have a piss.”  

 

* Shiksa: A Non–Jewish girl, or woman.

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Category: Political Jokes
EXCECUTIVE MISCHIEF

This joke has probably been retold countless of times, always substituting the current politicians’ names. So let’s not use any names this time.

On a bright winter morning, as the President went out jogging, he was surprised to see his name spelled out in piss in the fresh snow. He was furious. After all, wasn’t he the President of the United States? He rushed back to the White House and ordered the FBI Chief to find the culprit promptly. After a few days, the FBI Chief reported back and announced to his Head of State that he had both good news and bad news.

“Give me the good news first,” - said the President. “Did you get the bastard?”

“Piece of cake! An analysis of the urine showed it was that of the Vice President.”

“If these are the good news, then for Heaven’s sake, what are the bad ones?” - demanded the President in exasperation

“The handwriting is that of your wife’s, Mr. President”.

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Category: For Your Kids

EASY BET

The Inland Revenue decided to audit Clement, summoned him to their office for an appointment with their most thorough auditor, who was not surprised when Clement arrived with his solicitor. The auditor said:

“Sir, you cannot deny that you have an extravagant lifestyle, no full-time employment and pay no taxes on the grounds of your contention that you win money gambling. I have to tell you that Her Majesty's Customs and Excise finds that explanation difficult to believe.”

“I am a great gambler and can prove it,” - said Clement. “Would you like a demonstration?”

The auditor considered this for a moment and agreed. Clement said:

“I bet you a thousand pounds I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thought for a while, finally said:

“It's a bet.”

Clement removed his glass eye and bite it. The auditor looked sick.

“I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye” - said Clement. The auditor could see Clement wasn't blind, so he accepted the bet. Clement removed his false teeth and bite the good eye. The stunned auditor now realized he has bet and lost £3,000, with Clement's solicitor as a witness; he got very nervous.

"Double or quits?” - said Clement. “I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on the right-hand side of your desk and piss into the bin on the far side without getting one drop anywhere between.”

The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but examined the proposal carefully. Clement was not a tall man; he was old;, the desk was eight foot wide; he decided there is simply no way Clement could do that, so he agreed again. Clement stood at the side of the desk, unzipped his trousers, strained for all he was worth, but could not make the stream reach the bin on the far side and finished up having urinated pretty well all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leapt with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a sizeable win, then noticed that Clement's solicitor is moaning, with his head in his hands.

“Are you okay?” - asked the auditor.

“Not really,” said the solicitor. “This morning, when Clement told me he had been summoned to this audit, he bet me £20,000, that he could come in here, piss all over your desk and you would be happy about it . . . and I took the bet."

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Category: In the Middle East LET HER WORRY

A young German blond lady, bursting with vitality, was touring Israel. She passed by a farm and took a fancy to the two brown-skinned, muscled, well-proportioned Yemenite youths working on the fields. She stopped her car and asked them if there is a place nearby where they can be alone. The young men immediately understood her intentions - after all, even country lads are not made of wood - and took her to a nearby shed. They all undressed, but before any action could be initiated, the girl took a box of prophylactics from her purse and asked:

“Do you know what these are?”

“No, we don’t,” - said both youths in unison.

“You put them on, so I won’t become pregnant.”

They did as told and the rest of the meeting evolved to the mutual satisfaction of all parties involved. The tourist thanked the boys, gave them her card - in case they are ever in Germany - kissed them good-bye and went on her way.

Two days passed. The youths were again busy in the field, when one of them suddenly asked:

“Tell me, would you mind if that blonde shiksa* had any children?”

“No, not at all,” - replied his pal.

“Then let’s take this thing off. I’m dying to have a piss.”

* Shiksa: A Non–Jewish girl, or woman.

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