Category: Boys and Girls

LANGUAGE PROBLEMS

It was summer at Lake Tahoe and a local boy met a German tourist. He invited her boating and they rowed out far into the middle of the lake. People ashore noticed that the boat didn’t move and seemed to be empty from afar. After a while, several men started swimming towards the boat. They almost reached it when a tousle-headed boy rose above the boat’s rim:

“Hey men! Does anyone know what the meaning of ‘Noch einmal’ is?”

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Category: In the Middle East LET HER WORRY

A young German blond lady, bursting with vitality, was touring Israel. She passed by a farm and took a fancy to the two brown-skinned, muscled, well-proportioned Yemenite youths working on the fields. She stopped her car and asked them if there is a place nearby where they can be alone. The young men immediately understood her intentions - after all, even country lads are not made of wood - and took her to a nearby shed. They all undressed, but before any action could be initiated, the girl took a box of prophylactics from her purse and asked:

“Do you know what these are?”

“No, we don’t,” - said both youths in unison.

“You put them on, so I won’t become pregnant.”

They did as told and the rest of the meeting evolved to the mutual satisfaction of all parties involved. The tourist thanked the boys, gave them her card - in case they are ever in Germany - kissed them good-bye and went on her way.

Two days passed. The youths were again busy in the field, when one of them suddenly asked:

“Tell me, would you mind if that blonde shiksa* had any children?”

“No, not at all,” - replied his pal.

“Then let’s take this thing off. I’m dying to have a piss.”

* Shiksa: A Non–Jewish girl, or woman.

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Category: Ethnic Jokes THERE MUST BE ORDER!

While in France a Frenchman, an Englishman and a German, who had committed a capital offense, were tried and sentenced to death. The morning of their execution came and it was the Frenchman, who was honored by going first. Before stepping up to the guillotine, he was asked by the executioner, if he wanted to be face up or down. Proudly the man replied:

“Face up. I am not afraid of the blade.”

Assisted by the executioner, he got into position and as the release rope was pulled, the oblique blade descended swiftly and ... stopped just a hairsbreadth from the victim’s extended neck. The executioner swore under his breath, reset the blade and pulled the rope once more. The blade came down with speed and again stopped just short of the Frenchman’s neck. After the same scene repeated itself for the third time, law obliged them, to set the man free.

The Englishman’s turn came up. He too was asked for the position he favors.

“Face down,” - replied the man. “I don’t want to see the bloody knife coming down on my neck.”

After he kneeled and his head was in position, the executioner activated the machine. With a shivery whoosh the heavy blade sped down and stopped a few millimeters from its goal. The machine was tried for the second time, then once again, but finally they had to let the Englishman go too.

Now only the German was left.

“Which way do you want to face?” - asked the executioner.

“It makes no difference to me,” - answered the sentenced man, - “but you should fix the damn machine first.”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

Sorry, but to understand the next one, you must look up the German numerals in the dictionary.

PERFECT DISGUISE During the war two German spies were dropped in England. Wanting to test their disguise, they decided to go to a pub serving American soldiers. “Two Martinis please!” - they shouted from the door. “Dry?” - asked the barman. “Nein, zwei!”

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