Category: Ethnic Stories

THE BEST OF ALL

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish guy were in a bar. They were having a good time and all agreed that the bar was a nice place. Then the Irishman said:

“Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!”
The others agreed that that sounded like a nice place. Then the Italian said:
“Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.”
Everyone agreed that that sounded like a great bar. Then the Polish guy said:
“You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place, Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink and then they take you in the back and get you laid!”
“Wow!” - said the other two. “That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”
“No,” - he replied, - “but it happened to my sister!”

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

WRONG SIDE

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said:
"Good morning ladies."
The novices replied:
"Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you."
But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other:
"I think she got out on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with:
"Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today."
"Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you and may God be with you."
But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard:
"She got out on the wrong side of bed today."
Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary:
"Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today and grants you a wonderful day."
"Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning."
Mother Superior was floored!
"Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me."
Sister Mary stopped her walker and looked Mother Superior in the face.
"Oh, don't take it personal, Mother Superior… It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers."

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Category: Ecumenical Stories

MONASTERY OF SILENCE

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The priest who received her, said:

"Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so."
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the priest said to her:
"Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said:
"Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," – the priest said. "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, the priest called Sister Mary Katherine:
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."
"Cold food," – said Sister Mary Katherine and the priest assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office.
"You may say two words today."
" I quit," – said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best," – said the priest, – "you've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

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Category: Ethnic Stories

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy.

“Can I help you?”- the madam asked.

“I want Natalie,” - the old man replied.

“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else...”

“No, I must see Natalie.”

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,000. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man:

“No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The old man replied:

“I am from Minsk.”

“Really?” - replied Natalie, - “I have a sister who lives there.”

“Yes, I know,” - said the old man. “She gave me $3,000 to give to you.”

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