Category: At Work

UNION HOUSE

A dedicated union worker was attending a convention in Kalgoorlie, Western Australia and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam:

"Is this a union house?"

"No," - she replied, - "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," - she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded:

"Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked:

"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" - the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.  

"I'd like her," - he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," - said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, - "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

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Category: Simpletons

PAMPERING

Bill, a somewhat simple-minded young fella, decided to let himself be pampered and went to a brothel. Explaining his desire to the madam, she answered him:

“Sure we can pamper you, but as to how much, depends on how much money you have.”

Looking into his wallet Bill stated:

“All I have is $10.”

Laughing, the madam exclaimed:

“Well, for ten dollars you can go outside around back and play with yourself.”

Looking a bit depressed, obviously let down having expected more, Bill went outside. After a few minutes, he returned. A bit irritated, the madam of the house asked him:

“Well, what are you doing back here?!”

Bill said:

“I've finished and would like to pay.”

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Category: Old Age Simulations 

BROTHEL VISIT

An elderly man went into a brothel and told the madam that he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looked at the man and asked how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," - he said
"Ninety!" - commented the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?" 
"Oh, sorry," - said the old man, - "how much do I owe you?"

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Category: Naughty Jokes

TELLING GESTURE

The Madam of an exclusive brothel in Paris went to the marketplace to do her weekly shopping. First, she went to the greengrocer’s, chose some tomatoes, a few onions, took a bag of peeled potatoes, looked at the beautifully polished apples and then, picking up a banana, asked the greengrocer:

“How much are these bananas?”

“For you Madam, 15 francs,” - was the answer.

The good lady was surprised:

“How on Earth did you know, that I am a Madam.”

“From the way you hold the banana!”

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Category: Ethnic Stories

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

The madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy.

“Can I help you?”- the madam asked.

“I want Natalie,” - the old man replied.

“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else...”

“No, I must see Natalie.”

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... it was still $1,000. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and he left an hour later. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man:

“No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The old man replied:

“I am from Minsk.”

“Really?” - replied Natalie, - “I have a sister who lives there.”

“Yes, I know,” - said the old man. “She gave me $3,000 to give to you.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

A REAL TREAT

The men were having a few beers in the pub. One of them suddenly said:

“You know guys, next week I am going on a business trip to Morocco.”

“Really?” - reacted one of his drinking companions. “Be sure to visit the brothel in Casablanca. They say it is the best in the world.”

A couple of weeks passed and one night our traveler appeared again at his regular table at the pub. All his buddies asked excitedly:

“Did you visit the whorehouse in Casablanca?”

“Of course I did,” - answered the man.

“And how was it?” - yelled the men. “Tell us, tell us!”

“When I rang the bell, a small window opened and I was asked by a beautiful lady in an evening dress, if I have sufficient funds. Only when I showed her my Letter of Credit from the bank, was I admitted.”

“So you were inside,” - shouted his companions. “What happened next?”

“Two beauty queens took my hat and coat and showed me to a marble bathroom, with taps made of gold and told me to undress. They bathed me in French champagne, gave me a wonderfully relaxing massage and took me into one of their luxuriously appointed bedrooms, with overhead mirrors, closed-circuit television, water-bed and all.”

“All right, so you are primed for action,” clamored the crowd. “Were there any luscious girls?”

“Several. They had me lie on those satin sheets,” - continued our man in a leisurely manner. “Then they shaved off all my body-hair, covered me with whipped cream, decorated it with Maraschino cherries and for good measure, added some Triple Sec liquor.”

His audience seemed to have lost its patience:

“Get to the point!” - they demanded. “What happened next?”

“To tell you the truth, it all looked so delicious, I licked it off myself.”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations BROTHEL VISIT

An elderly man went into a brothel and told the madam that he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looked at the man and asked how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," - he said

"Ninety!" - commented the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," - said the old man, - "how much do I owe you?"

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Category: Simpletons PAMPERING

Bill, a somewhat simple-minded young fella, decided to let himself be pampered and went to a brothel. Explaining his desire to the madam, she answered him:

“Sure we can pamper you, but as to how much, depends on how much money you have.”

Looking into his wallet Bill stated:

“All I have is $10.”

Laughing, the madam exclaimed:

“Well, for ten dollars you can go outside around back and play with yourself.”

Looking a bit depressed, obviously let down having expected more, Bill went outside. After a few minutes, he returned. A bit irritated, the madam of the house asked him:

“Well, what are you doing back here?!”

Bill said:

“I've finished and would like to pay.”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Naughty Jokes A TELLING GESTURE The Madam of an exclusive brothel in Paris went to the marketplace to do her weekly shopping. First, she went to the greengrocer’s, chose some tomatoes, a few onions, took a bag of peeled potatoes, looked at the beautifully polished apples and then, picking up a banana, asked the greengrocer: “How much are these bananas?” “For you Madam, 15 francs,” - was the answer. The good lady was surprised: “How on Earth did you know, that I am a Madam.” “From the way you hold the banana!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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