Category: Blondes

IN SLOW MOTION

An old, blind cowboy wandered into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He found his way to a bar stool and ordered some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yelled to the waiter:

“Hey, you wanna hear a terrific blonde joke?”

The bar immediately fell absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him said:

“Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

        1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

        2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

        3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

        4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

        5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind cowboy thought for a second, shook his head, and muttered:

“No...not, if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.”

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Category: Tax Matters

MUSCLE MAN

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $100 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) had tried over time but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit and said in a tiny, squeaky voice:

“I'd like to try the bet.”   

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man, but the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $100 and asked the little man:

“What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?”

The man replied:

“I work for the IRS.”

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